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For Reference Do Not Take From the Library

Every person who maliciously cuts, defaces, breaks or injures any book, map, chart, picture, engraving, statue, coin, model, apparatus, or other work of lit- erature, art, mechanics or ob- ject of curiosity, deposited in any public library, gallery, museum or collection is guilty of a misdemeanor.

Penal Code of California

1915, Section 623

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HAPPY

By Myrna Blyth

his is the time of year, of course, to make New Year’s resolutions. | bet you—like me—have already resolved to lose a few pounds and exercise more. (In fact, I’m going to start as soon as | finish off the Christmas cookies.) Yet at the same time, aren‘t there some little things about yourself you wouldn’t change at all? Just as important as thinking about how you want to improve yourself as the year starts, it’s a good idea to spend some time thinking about those silly things that make you you!

For example, Books and Fiction Editor Mary Lou Mullen told me she’s resolved to swim three times a week and entertain more this year. Good ideas, but what she’s not going to change is her habit of shopping for things she can’t afford. So there! And Editorial Assistant Shana Aborn has resolved to get more organized. But she’s not going to change her talent for coming up with a bad pun at a moment's notice (even though some people wish she would). Beauty and Fashion As- sistant Susan Parkes has virtuously resolved to have her hair highlighted every four months, no matter what. But she’s not going to change her story that it’s the color she was born with. And Assistant Managing Editor Nina Keilin is not going to let her auburn hair go back to its natural color even though her husband and her mother wish she would. What she is going to change is her habit of procrastination. (She did give me her

Meet five new resolutions later than anyone else!)

friends—/H/5 Voices of the Decade winners— with Senior Editor Jane Farrell (third from left). You'll be following these women’s lives

See what | mean? Sure, we should all cut the calories and put on the aerobics tape. But we should also keep doing the little things that we do, whether it’s occasionally indulging ourselves, goofing off or not listening to the advice of our nearest and dearest.

What am / not going to change? Obviously my cookie-scarfing habit.

every January forthe | nd my enthusiasm about Ladies’ Home Journal—including this bang-up next ten years. First January issue, filled, as usual, with information, entertainment and installment—page 106 inspiration. Happy New Year!

registered at U.S. Patent Office. Title “Ladies’ Home Journal” registered at U.S. Patent Office and foreign countries.

Ladies’ Home Journal ® (ISSN 0023 7124) January 1989, Vol. CVI, No. 1. Published monthly by Meredith Corporation, 100 Park Avenue, New York, NY 10017. Back-issue copies available. Subscription prices U.S. and Possessions, 1 yr. $19.95; Canada, 1 yr. $27.95; all other countries, $27.95. Second Class postage paid at New York, NY, and at additional mailing offices. Authorized as second-class matter at Post Office Department, Ottawa, Canada, and for payment of postage in cash. Printed in U.S.A. POSTMASTERS: Send address changes to Ladies’

Home Journal, P.O. Box 10895, Des Moines, [A 50336-0895.

Send all subscription correspondence and change of address (include latest mailing label and allow 8 weeks for change) to P.O. Box 10895, Des Moines, IA 50336-0895. Send all other correspondence to Ladies’ Home Journal, 100 Park

Avenue, New York, NY 10017.

Robert D. Thomas, SVP/Publisher

Donna Golotti, Advertising Director

Frederick W. Becker Ill, Eastern Sales Director Joseph A. Lagani, Eastern Sales Manager Mary Morgan, Cosmetic / Fashion Manager

MYRNA BLYTH, SVP/Publishing Director Jack Sackley, Midwestern Manocer Paul Bode, West Coast Manager Sharon Rogers, San Francisco Manager Michael C. Senior, Newsstand Sales Director Terry Giella, Sales Administration Manager David J. Hoffman, Production Director

Mitch Lurin, VP/Marketing Services Esther Laufer, VP/Promotion Director

Carole Mandel, SVP/Circulation Director John Condit, VP/Operations/Manufacturing

Michoel |. Cook, Business Manager

The Journal cannot process unsolicited manuscripts or art material, and the Publisher assumes no responsibility whatsoever

for their return.

MONIKA SCHREINER, assistant art director

LADIES’ HOME SOUNTIS

MYRNA BLYTH EDITOR-IN-CHIEF |

Tamara Schneider ART DIRECTOR

Mary Mohler MANAGING EDITOR

ARTICLES Linda Peterson, articles editor Jane Farrell, senior editor Margery D. Rosen, senior editor NELLY EDMONDSON GUPTA, health editor MIKE HAMMER, entertainment editor PAMELA GUTHRIE O'BRIEN, associate editor IRENE NYBORG-ANDERSEN SHANA ABORN DEAN LAMANNA

BOOKS AND FICTION Mary Lou Mullen, editor SOFIA MARCHANT

BEAUTY AND FASHION Lois Joy Johnson, editor HYLA SABESIN FINN SUSAN M. PARKES

FOOD AND EQUIPMENT Jan Turner Hazard, editor BEVERLY STEPHENS CAROL PRAGER KATHY JACKETTE MARGOT ABEL

DECORATING AND DESIGN Marilyn Diane Glass, editor KAREN J. REISLER NANCY JO ISAK

COPYWRITER Linda Fears

EDITORIAL PRODUCTION Nina Keilin, assistant managing editor CAROLYN B. NOYES, BARBARA F. HOFFMAN, JEFF BLISS, copy editors SARAH McCRAW

EDITOR-AT-LARGE Sondra Forsyth Enos

PUBLIC AFFAIRS Margaret Hickey

READER SERVICE Lietta Dwork

ART DEPARTMENT Stephanie K. Birdsong, design director Jeffrey Saks, design director ELYSE NOSSEL, assistant art director

ART PRODUCTION Lawrence P. Bracken, coordinator

Doreen Yip, type director

EDITORIAL BUSINESS MANAGER Marion Davies

ASSISTANT TO THE EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Alberta Harbutt

Contributing Editors LAWRENCE BALTER, Ph.D. KATHERINE BARRETT DOROTHY CAMERON DISNEY SONYA FRIEDMAN, Ph.D. CLIFF JAHR CONSTANCE LEISURE ARNOLD PALMER JEFF ROVIN MICHAEL J. WEISS (WASHINGTON, D.C.)

ROBERT D. THOMAS PUBLISHER

A Meredith Publication E.T. Meredith, Ill Chairman of the Executive Committee

Robert A. Burnett Chairman of the Board & CEO Jack D. Rehm President & Chief Operating Officer James A. Autry President, Magazine Group

LADIES' HOME JOURNAL - JANUAR’

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VOL. CVI NO. 1

Articles

4 « Editor's journal

12 * Can this marriage be saved? “My husband wanted the perfect house- wife” By Sondra Forsyth Enos

22 + A woman today “A test of courage” By Allison M. Gappa

34 ¢ A triumph of love

L.A. Law’s Jill Eikenberry nursed a daughter back to health after a tragic accident, only to face a medical crisis of her own—breast cancer. She talks can- didly about her illness and her hopes for the future. By Jenny Cullen

42 « Parents’ journal PAGE 103 Sex after childbirth; a poignant look at a daughter on the threshold of woman- hood; and more. By Mary Mohler and Margery D. Rosen

49 + The Weight Watchers New Year's diet Got a few pounds left over from holiday partying? Get on the fast track to weight loss with this new menu plan created exclusively for LHJ. By Sue Berkman

56 What's hot: leading ladies Cybill Shepherd moonlights on the big screen; Bette Midler makes a splash ir Beaches; and Sigourney Weaver becomes a Working Girl.

70 + How to handle family fights

Time for a truce with your toddler or teen? Stop using the tired old phrases that always start trouble, and try these new ways to really get kids to listen.

By Jeff Rubin, Ph.D., and Carol Rubin, Ph.D.

80 « Dan Rather’s difficult days

After a year in the hot seat, CBS’s anchorman puts his broadcast blues behinc him and meets the press in a rare interview. By Jeff Rovin

85 + Family guide to winter health

There are ways to stave off the season’s ills without staying inside all winter. Experts from the American Academy of peruly Physicians tell how to keep warm and take gooc a .. careofyourself. By Beth Weinhouse

94 + Pneumonia: everything

you must know The disease everyone fears can strike as a complication of many winter ail ments. Here’s how to prevent it. By Fran Snyder

103 * Love story Their stormy union was the romance of the century. Now Richard Burton’ never-before-published diaries revea the secrets of his life with his greates’ love, Elizabeth Taylor.

PAGE 85

LADIES’ HOME JOURNAL - JANUARY 1989)

WHICH RO IS PROPER FOR SHELLFISH?

Spots are never proper wr ANY kind of Oem rexO ne reason the fork on the left is not correct.

The other reason is because its a fish fork. (Note the NUTeea OSHC UMA creel eM RIO VALS ay trom bones.)

eccrine ODN enn (eN1 Nn a small with sharp tines to help re- move the shellfish from its shell. ~ And of course being virtually SEO) LOscmIICenmn OmLa1e perlectly Dees neo eer

FOR HOME AND CAR

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‘GRAND RAPIDS, MICHIGAN 49

106 * Voices of the decade

Meet the winners of our contest—the five women whose lives the Journal will document to the twenty-first century.

110 © Loose lips

If you heard it through the grapevine, chances are it started with Liz Smith. We talked with the Texas lady who’s the doyenne of the gossip biz— and got sizzling opinions on Sinatra, Jackie O., Streisand and more. By Cliff Jahr

150 ¢ Last laughs Fick 74 * Home An unforgettable story about the pain and tender-

ness of marriage from an award-winning author. By Joyce Carol Oates

Good looks

29 + Beauty and fashion journal Our forecast of what you'll be wearing and how you'll be working out in 198% Plus our survey: We want to know your biggest beauty problems.

Jackets are top PAGE 120

116 © Daily de-aging: how to take years off your looks every morning Got a minute to spare? We’ve got fifty speedy makeup, skin and hair-care tips t help you turn back the clock on Mother Nature! By Lois Joy Johnson

120 ¢ Just jackets: today’s basic wardrobe essential

Looking for the perfect piece to top off your winter wardrobe? A jacket alway makes you feel authoritative, classy—just plain properly dressed. We'll show yo’ the cuts and colors to jazz up office outfits, everyday trousers and simple skirts.

Food

64 ¢ Easy as 1-2-3

An elegant New Year's Eve dinner, holiday appetizers, and after-dinner treats.

126 * The souper bowl

Cook up first-string favorites for your hungry football fans—hearty soup-and sandwich meals you can make in no time! By Jan Turner Hazard

128 + Sweet cheats

Love luscious mousse and soufflés We've taken high-calorie classics fror}} famous chefs and concocted spectacu lar makeovers with one third fewe calories. No more dessert on the sly! |}

132 + Recipe index

137 © 30 terrific ways to use

your microwave | If youre still using your microwav fi just for reheating leftovers and thaw} ing frozen food, you need our guide} These super cooking shortcuts go be yond defrosting to help you make th}

Seemingly sinful low-

seal i most of your microwave and youlj 2 Tea : 3 cal desserts time. By Ruth Spear

| PAGE 128 10 LADIES’ HOME JOURNAL - JANUARY 198

Spencer’s suits little peoples’ lifestyles. <2.

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Introduced thirty-six years ago, “Can this marriage be saved?” is the most popular, most enduring women’s magazine feature in the world. This month’s case is based on interviews with clients and information from the files of Robert L. Barker, M.S.W., Ph.D.,

who is affiliated wit

the National Catho! School of Social Services in Washington, D.C., and maintains a private practice in Maryland. The story reported here is true, although names and other details have been changed to conceal identities.

12

Hannah's tum

“OKAY, SO THERE WERE DOG HAIRS all over the seat of the car,” said Han- nah, thirty-five, sinking her lean, nearly six-foot frame into a chair. “Is that enough to trigger a rampage? “Tam not kidding. When Rob pulled into the garage the night before last, he purposely looked inside my car and then stormed into the house, raving like a madman about dog hairs. Look, I'm not a world-class house- keeper, butIalsodo not have time to run a household

arfect

Rob said he supported Hannah's career,

but he still wanted her to be a model corporate

the vet for booster shots. And, as usu- al, I dashed home so Sharon, who’s ten, wouldn’t be alone after school. I picked up around the house a little, found time to do some work on a book I’m writing about music appreciation for kids, and started making dinner. Frankly, the idea of vac- uuming the car never entered my mind.

“So in comes Rob, carrying on about how he knew Id leave the car a mess after the vet appointment. I have nev- er been one to engage in shouting matches, so I just stood there, basical- ly. Before long, he was really on a roll, bringing up everything in our rela- tionship that bothered him... like, I’m not tough enough on Sharon, who is going to turn out to be a slob like me...I don’t go to all the functions wives of his colleagues go to...I waste time and money on yoga classes and writing my book.

“I mean, he hit me with a whole litany of offenses, then marched off to bed. I stood there crying, unable to think of a single word to say back.

“Now, this isn’t the first time Rob has criticized me so vehemently. He’s been treating me like this for years, but I guess this last time just pushed me over the edge. I insisted we find some professional

way Rob’s help. Rob isjust too mother aid ' i moO. the day of Wife and mother. wis oe he dog-hair inc- What happens when @ think it’s already

| had driven 4 hopeless, even with our daughter all man expects too much? your help. Maybe the way toschool so werejust too differ- her science projec enttostay married. wouldnt get wrecked on the bus. This Rob comes from a large, boisterous, mace me late for-work—I have a _ upper-middle-class family. He grew up three-day-a-week job as music editor in an exclusive Chicago suburb; his of are al magazine—soIwasrush- mother was your typical clubwoman,his ing all ng to catch up. Then I father a very successful businessman. used my | nour to take the dog to “My family isjustthe (continued)

LADIES’ HOME IOURNAIL « JANUARY 1989

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five based A

et Ream eee. ree

Virginia Slims remembers how the woman of 1902 pulled herself up by the

bootstraps.

Fashions: Avirex, U.S.A.

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(continued) opposite. Both my par-

mW !

ents are artists, and I’m their only child. They were very young when I was born and we never had a lot of money, but I had a wonderful child- hood filled with trips to museums and the ballet. We lived in a loft in Greenwich Village, and you could never tell where the studio ended and the living quarters began.

“JT never had much of a social life, though. I was always so tall, and the kids at the public school where I went weren’t into the arts, so I was a loner. Even when I was a scholar- ship student at Juilliard, I never really found my niche socially. Rob was the first person besides my es parents who ever made Wy me feel loved. And I do still love him—that’s , what's so terrible about this mess.

“Our first meeting was really romantic. I was a member of a string quartet, and when we played in Chicago one Decem- ber, Rob came to the stage door with a doz- en roses for me. He said he had been in the audience the night be- fore and that I was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Do ° you believe that? I pizza could tell he meant it, and the fact that I was a good three inches taller than he was didn’t seem to matter.

“He returned the next night and asked me to have a drink. We talked for hours, and when he reached out for my hand, I was goose bumps from head to toe.

“We had a whirlwind courtship because I went back to New York, and he went back to Philadelphia, where he was finishing his M.B.A. at Wharton. Still, he did the most romantic things, like surprise me with visits on Valentine’s Day. Rob still does crazy romantic things ev- ery now and then, though I know it’s just because he feels guilty for being so hard on me.

“Anyway, we were married in his

yarents’ garden in May of that year, leven years ago, and we moved to ‘irginia. Rob had landed a good job with a manufacturing firm, and he had to begin right away. It seems

ir trouble started the minute he

14

rp

“The house is really filthy,” said Rob, “and she’s ordering in

carried me over the threshold. All of

a sudden, my romantic suitor turned into a neatness fanatic.

“Though I was very busy working full-time at the magazine plus play- ing with the local orchestra during their seasons, I was expected to do all the housework, too. Rob helped, but he always implied that he was doing it because I hadn’t done a good enough job. Before his parents’ first visit, he cleaned every nook and cranny. He said his mother judged people’s happiness by how clean their homes were.

“When I got pregnant, Bob felt it was important for me to cut back on my ac- tivities and be home more. I knew I would have to drop out of the orchestra, but fortu- nately I was able to ar- range a part-time job at the magazine. I didn’t want to give up everything.

“[ve tried hard to keep up all my inter- ests, but Rob has never supported me. Would it have killed him to baby-sit some nights so I could continue to play my cello?

“No, I never said anything to him. It was clear Rob just didn’t care. So I tried to work on myself a bit. Last spring, I signed up for a yoga class at night with some friends. Bob agreed grudgingly to stay home with Sharon, but I could tell he didn’t approve.

“Then something happened that really made me wonder about this marriage. I called after yoga class to say that a few of us and the in- structor were going out for coffee so I'd be a little late. Rob blew up. He actually accused me of having a crush on the instructor!

“On the one hand, I should have just laughed it off. But on the other, it proved that our relationship has dissolved into a lack of trust.”

Rob’s tum

“I do love Hannah,” said Rob, thir- ty-seven, a sandy-haired man with a vibrant manner and firm hand- shake. “The trouble is, the things that drew me to her are the things that cause problems.

“Hannah is a dreamer. That’s great, but there are times you have to discipline yourself to get on with the business at hand, especially when you have a family.

“Take this new book she’s writ- ing. She could have had it finished months ago if she hadonly sat down and worked at it systematically. But no, she dawdles, she leaves manuscript pages all over the house, she wastes time sitting with her legs tied in a knot, staring out the window. Meanwhile, the house is filthy and she’s ordering in pizza.

“I am not exaggerating. I will concede that my standards for housekeeping are pretty high, but Hannah is truly impossible. When she goes into her creative mood, she’s in another world. She doesn’t see dirt. She leaves dishes in the sink and uses paper plates.

“Okay, I probably got a little too carried away the other night, but that business with the dog was the straw that broke the camel’s back.

“Still, it’s not just the housework. Hannah is simply not, well, not there for me. Oh, I don’t expect her to attend every company dinner. But I would like her to participate at least a little bit in my company’s social plans. All the wives do. What gets me is that she not only won’t join me, she’s smug about it. She says she’s not that kind of wife.

“So what kind is she, then? Cer- tainly not a very demonstrative one. I’m not referring to our sex life, which has always been fine. She doesn’t make me feel like she loves me, I guess.

“Listen, I like to think of myself as a bit of a romantic. And when I do something romantic, I'd like her to reciprocate once in a while or be ap- preciative. I’ve slacked off with the corny gestures since they’re not get- ting me anywhere, but every now and then, I look at her and I have to go splurge on flowers. Since I first laid eyes on her, I thought of her as a Modigliani painting, with that mes- merizing beauty,so pensive and ethereal. She still affects me that way. But then I give her the flowers and—nothing. Just a cold thank-you.

“I wish I knew when and where things went wrong. We didn’t spend much time together before we were married, but we did talk about the future. And we both decided she would drop out of the orchestra when the baby was born.So why am I the bad guy? (continued on page 20)

LADIES’ HOME JOURNAL « JANUARY 1989

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The entire upper body is one artfully sculptured piece.

“We're looking for people

to write children’s books”

“Writing for children is the perfect way to begin,” says the author of 53 chil- dren’s books. “Your ideas come right out of your own experience. And while it’s still a challenge, 's the straightest possible line between ‘ou and publication—if you're qualified to eek the success this rewarding field offers.” By Alvin Tresselt, Dean of Faculty

published, I can’t think ofa better way to

do it than writing books and stories for hildren and teenagers. Ideas flow naturally ight out of your own life experience. While 's still a challenge, the odds of getting hat first unforgettable check from a uvenile publisher are better than they are rom any other kind of publisher I know.

Later on, you may get other checks from ther publishers. But right now, the object sto begin—to break into print—to learn the eeling of writing and selling your work nd seeing your name in type. After that, ou can decide if you want your writing to ake another direction.

But after 30 years of editing, publishing, nd teaching—and 53 books of my own—I an tell you this: You'll go a long way before ou discover anything as rewarding as yriting for young readers.

Your words will never sound as sweet as hey do from the lips ofa child reading your ooks and stories. And the joy of creating ooks and stories that truly reach young eople is an experience you'll never have nywhere else.

The soaring children’s market

jut, that’s not all. The financial rewards go ar beyond most people’s expectations be- ause there's a surprisingly big market out here for writers who are trained to tap it. fore than $1 billion worth of children’s ooks are purchased annually and some ,000 diffferent titles share in this bonanza— lany by new authors.

Of approximately 500 publishers of ooks related to children, over 300 of them yelcome manuscripts from aspiring writers. nd over 400 magazines rely on freelancers ) fill their issues. You can imagine how uch writing that takes!

Yet two big questions bedevil nearly every yould-be writer: “Am I really qualified?” nd “How can I get started?”

“Am I really qualified?”’

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E YOU WANT TO WRITE AND GET

vin Tresselt was Vice President and Executive Editor of Parents’ agazine Press, the first editor of Humpty Dumpty’s Magazine for vildren, and aboard member of the Author's Guild. His 53 books f young readers have sold over two million copies.

from it, and turn it into a professional per- formance. That's the only kind of person we're looking for. The reasons are simple: Our reputation is built on success, and, if prospective students don’t have the ear- marks of success, we probably can’t help them. And we tell them so. It’s only fair to both of us.

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I’ve learned a lot about writing for children and I love it. Now I’m passing my know!- edge on to my students so they can profit from it. When I’m not writing my own books I spend my time at The Institute of Children’s Literature, a workshop for new writers that does one thing and does it better than any other educational insti- tution I know of: It trains qualified people to write for young readers.

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Free Writing Aptitude Test offered To find qualified men and women with an aptitude for writing, our Faculty and Consultants have prepared an intriguing Aptitude Test. It is offered free and will be professionally evaluated at no cost to you by our staff.

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@ CAN THIS MARRIAGE

continued from page 14

“Okay, this yoga business does drive me nuts. I’m home alone with Sharon, and Hannah’s off doing some weird Eastern thing and going out afterward with cute young guys. Couldn’t she spend that time with me instead?

“J don’t think Hannah wants this marriage to work. I think she’s delib- erately or subconsciously provoking me. It would break my heart to lose her and Sharon, but what can I do?”

The counselor's turn

“After only one session with this cou- ple, I knew that the first step had to be the hiring of a cleaning woman. No amount of counseling would do as

much for them.

“Naturally, they protested, sin they were paying my fee, plus a baby- sitter in the afternoon, but I mz them realize that in their case, house- hold help was not a luxury but a neces- sity: It was needed to diffuse the pres- ent tension. Hannah found someone who could come to her home for four hours every other week, and as I pre- dicted, the level of tension between them dropped dramatically

“Now we were free to move on to the

20

problem of Rob’s constant criticism of Hannah. Because of his resentment over her messiness, Rob had uncon- sciously gotten into the habit of belit- tling his wife; this had blinded him to her many fine qualities. When I point- ed this out, Rob vowed to change. He made a conscious effort to focus on the ways Hannah was a wonderful mother and to compliment her in that regard. She’s very involved in her daughter’s life and takes her to numerous cultur- al events. She also treats her daughter with deep respect. These are all quali- ties that Rob had always admired but never mentioned before.

“Of course, Hannah’s housekeeping standards are not the same as Rob’s, but our third task was to get her to realize that even her laissez-faire up- bringing did not excuse total lack of regard for order in the house. During one session, Hannah admitted to being

rovocative on this issue.

“‘T guess ’'m just angry,’ she said at point, ‘angry that Rob doesn’t ap- iate what I do, angry that he made

ie give up things I really love, like ple g the cello.

That’s when Rob spoke up. ‘Look,’ he said, ‘until now, you never men- tioned all this. I can’t read your mind, you know.’ Rob explained that he thought he had been communicative

and that they had reached a mutual) acceptable decision about Hannal) | leaving the orchestra.

“At this point, I reminded them Rob’s comment that Hannah had d' tanced herself from him. As she hi said, she was not the type to engage shouting matches, but in fact, she hi long had a problem responding to Ri) on any level. Shy and insecure wil | her peers as a child, she still found difficult to open up, which Rob, unde standably, interpreted as coldness.

“I gave Rob and Hannah a simp) assignment. They were to concentra on all the little things they could do show tenderness and love, whether was a good-bye hug in the morning a quick phone call from work durii the day to say I love you. Long-mé} ried people, I noted, often forget th) the simple romantic gesture can he} cement a relationship.

“I also instructed Rob to curtail }} verbal barrages and to make sure | gave Hannah time to respond. If | was upset about the dog hairs in t] car, he was to mention it, then wait f her to say something instead of marc} ing out of the room. When we pla acted this scenario in my office, Ha nah said, ‘The next time I feel like have too much to do, can I ask you take Sharon to school or take the d to the vet on your lunch hour?’ Tr was a breakthrough for Hannah, ail, Rob saw her point, congratulated h/ for speaking up and agreed to take || more chores around the house. |

“This was the beginning of a patte j of compromises for this couple th) helped steer their marriage back ||! course. Hannah has gotten more ij volved in functions having to do wi} Rob’s work, and now that she’s mj more of the other wives, she is not uncomfortable with them as s| thought she would be. She’s also learn to respond appreciatively to Rob’s 1) mantic gestures, and they've made ¢| effort to go out more just for fun.

“Though Hannah finished her boc} she has decided not to embark on a other project for a while but rather | resume playing the cello with a loc} string quartet. Now that Hann: gives so much more of herself to hii} Rob is not troubled by the fact that s! wants to take an occasional yoga clas} He has begun to truly appreciate tt} time alone with his daughter. ‘And i become a family joke that Daddy tak} the dog to the vet,’ he told me duri! one of our last sessions.

“Rob and Hannah ended counselii several months ago, confident th} they had overcome their major prc) lems and had the tools to solve aij others that come up in the course their relationship.”

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By Allison M. Gappa

felt the cold sharpness of the knife blade against my neck. “One word out of you and it'll be your last,” he hissed in my ear. I was too terrified to make a sound. I prayed that someone had heard the crash when he kicked open the door of my mother’s apartment and grabbed me off the floor, where I had been playing with my three-month-old son. If I scream, he'll kill me and take Christopher, I thought franti- cally. I knew I had to do whatever he asked. The captor my son and I would spend the next forty-eight hours with was my husband.

I had met Jack (not his real name) two years earlier, when I was fourteen and he was eighteen. He was very tall and hand- some, and he behaved like a man. But it was his charisma and the smooth way he talked that captured my heart.

When Jack told me he loved me, it was the first time I could ever remember hear- ing those words. My parents were divorced, and al- though I knew Mom loved me, it wasn’t easy for her to show affec- tion. And I never felt close to my

ron

i Today, thanks

to a sensible dad. Jack’s at- diet and plenty of tention swept me willpower, the off my feet. I felt

so happy and so safe with him.

author is half her former weight

22

By the time Jack started pressing me to marry him, I was willing to do anything he aoe So when I turned

, we ran away to get cae I was certain we would live happily ever after.

However, my Prince Charming had a dark side that I had never seen. Almost as soon as the judge pronounced us husband and wife, Jack began to hit me. At first it was slaps, then punches. He beat me for almost any reason—if dinner wasn’t cooked right, if the crease in his pants wasn’t ironed correctly or if another man looked at me. I was thrown across rooms and down the stairs, and I suffered black eyes, broken bones and shattered teeth. Afterward, Jack would always apologize profusely, crying and begging me to forgive him. I wanted so much

As a battered believe him, wife, | turned wa ee

ashamed and

humiliated to to food for eallaeeene that comfort—and Jack beat me.

So I made up excuses about the noticeable injuries, saying

gained 130 pounds. Could

| ever turn my Pa fallen e : it life around? = something. 1

lived that way for several months, until the abuse got so bad I started thinking of ways to kill Jack—or myself.

When I became pregnant, I realized I couldn’t risk my baby’s life, so I went to live with my mother. But Jack contin- ued to terrorize me. He would call and swear he’d never hit me again; then, a few hours later, he’d call back and threaten me. I wouldn’t leave the apart- ment alone, terrified he’d grab me off the street. Finally, I went to the police and had a restraining order put on Jack, but until he actually did some- thing to me, there was little else the police could do.

At this point, I became very de- pressed. I was only sixteen (continued)

LADIES’ HOME JOURNAL « JANUARY 1989

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continued

years old, and my life was a mess. I filed for divorce, and I started turning to food for comfort. Soon I couldn’t stop myself. Several times a week I'd order a large pepperoni pizza with double cheese and eat the whole thing. An average lunch (and often breakfast, too) consisted of a double-decker ba- con-cheeseburger with large orders of french fries, onion rings and a milk shake. When I was out shopping, I’d eat an ice-cream cone at one store and a candy bar at another. I’d munch on snack foods while waiting in the checkout line at the grocery store, then I'd even make a food stop at the gas station mini-market.

At home, it was even worse. Telling myself that I couldn’t waste good food I always cleaned my plate and then usually ate the entire pot of whatever I had cooked. Many nights I’d also eat an entire picnic-size bag of potato chips and a container of onion dip while I watched TV.

Not surprisingly, my weight sky- rocketed. At five feet eight inches, I had been a svelte 180 pounds when I got married; now, however, I contin- ued to gain until I reached my peak weight of 260 pounds. I hated being

24

heavy, but I desperately needed the comfort and the security food gave me.

Our divorce was not yet final when Jack kidnapped me and the baby, tak- ing us from my mother’s apartment

building at knifepoint. My only thought was to protect Christopher. So I began to act like the repentant wife. I assured Jack that I had suddenly seen the error of my ways and that he was right—we did belong together.

Jack took us to a hotel in a nearby town for the night. As we pulled into the parking lot, I noticed a fire station down the road. If only I could get away and go there for help, I thought. Be- cause I had a restraining warrant on Jack, the police would now be able to arrest him. But how would I escape?

That night, Jack put my clothes un- der the mattress and locked my shoes in the trunk of the car before we went to bed. I lay there in the darkness for hours, waiting to make sure Jack was sound asleep, and then I started plot- ting my getaway. My biggest concern was that Christopher would wake up if I tried to move him. There was no tell- ing what Jack would do if he caught me trying to escape. Leaving my son while I went for help was the hardest decision I had ever made.

Shortly before four A.M., I quietly got out of bed. I grabbed a bath towel,

wrapped it around me and crept over ' the door. It seemed like it took hours turn the lock and doorknob. Noiselessl I closed the door behind me and bege running as fast as I could. At the fire station, I started screar ing for help. Within a half hour, tI police had arrived and the restrainir warrant had been confirmed. I wel back to the hotel with several polic men, praying that Jack hadn’t alreac left with my son. With guns draw the policemen entered the hot room—and found Jack and Christ pher still fast asleep. Jack was arres ed, and my son was brought out to m Jack served only a few months |) jail for the kidnapping. But thankfv ly, after we were divorced, his cal and threats became fewer and farth between. However, as a sixteen-yeal ’ old mother with a baby and no educ| tion, I had new problems to face, and] was forced to go on welfare. As usual | dealt with my worries by eating. But was also newly determined to mall something of my life. I took advantaj} of the education programs available welfare recipients, and I obtained n high school equivalency diploma. The} I went to cosmetology school and got} job as a makeup artist in a departme’} store. For the next several years, I ¢) ten worked two jobs and took colle;

LADIES’ HOME JOURNAL « JANUARY 19)

ne acceptable source of protein for Purina O.N.E.

¥ ae ois arelallowed to get their! protein from such unlikely

ial Mpc ie par gegen mee = So it's important to read

your dog food bag. With PurinaOt N.E® brand

reer Keattust ives © Ralston Purina Company, 1988

ourses as well. I studied journalism nd started writing. By improving my- elf I hoped I would make my son roud of me.

But as the years went by, I became ncreasingly unhappy about the way I 90ked. I wanted so much to be thin gain that I even had my jaws wired hut for two weeks and drank liquid rotein. Then I became addicted to diet ills. When the amphetamines made ay heart pound and my blood race, I’d ake Valium to calm down.

Taking all those drugs began to meak havoc on my system—and my tate of mind. Although I was losing yeight, I was in terrible shape physical- y and worn out emotionally. I knew hat I was addicted to the pills, but I yas afraid I'd gain back the weight I’d st if I stopped taking them. Finally I ecided there was no solution except uicide. I simply couldn’t cope anymore.

So one evening I sent my son to my aother’s house under the guise of go- ng out of town with some friends. ‘hen I swallowed every pill I could et my hands on—dozens of amphet- mines, tranquilizers, sleeping pills nd codeine pain pills. But a friend ensed something was wrong, and she roke into my house when I didn’t an- wer the door. When she found me un- onscious, she called an ambulance,

dog food, real chicken leads the list. Followed by yellow corn, wheat and rice—ingredients that contribute to a highly nutritious, highly digestible formula.

In fact, Purina O.N.E. has more protein and energy per ounce than

and I was rushed to the hospital, where my stomach was pumped. After talking to the resident psychiatrist, I promised to get psychological help.

Going into therapy finally helped me turn my life around. I learned that my weight was not the cause of my problems, just a symptom. In truth, I used food as a crutch—first to escape Jack’s abuse, and then to prevent my- self from getting involved with anoth- er man. As long as I was fat, I had an excuse for being alone.

Once I found out why I overate, los- ing weight became easier. I also real- ized that I didn’t have to be afraid of another relationship. I had grown up a lot since my marriage.

As my self-esteem began to grow, I began dieting sensibly. I followed the Weight Watchers program, and I be- gan walking and biking every day. (For more information on the Weight Watchers program, turn to page 49.) I stayed away from fried foods, alcohol, sugar and red meat, and I weighed myself daily. The weight came off slowly, but I was becoming much hap- pier with myself.

When I got down to 210 pounds, I began working as a large-size model for the Wilhelmina Agency. I enjoyed the work so much that I stopped trying to lose weight. Then one day my sister,

For that one dog. Yours.

Cheryll, called to tell me my picture was in Hustler magazine. At first I thought she was joking. But there, un- derneath the heading “Save the Whales,” were two pictures of me from Big Beautiful Woman magazine: one in a bathing suit, the other in a night- gown. The article ridiculed large-size models and said that these “fatties” were lucky to make it home from the beach without “harpoon wounds.” I was livid. Yet deep down I knew I was fat.

I rejoined Weight Watchers a few days later and started exercising again. In fact, I lost so much weight that I lost my modeling job, too!

Today, I’m 130 pounds again. With my new body has come a new career as well. ve written articles for a Weight Watchers publication and national magazines and newspapers, and I’ve been asked to speak to women’s groups and appear on talk shows. And just recently, I wrote my first book, called The Weighting Game, to help other women lose weight and follow a healthy, balanced lifestyle, especially battered women, who need to have hope and strength. After all, I’m living proof that you can change your life.

For information about The Weighting Game, write Allison Gappa, P.O. Box 910, Orange, CA 92666. &

25

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TOP TRENDS IN 57 what's in store for fitness, fashion and beauty tow vit snerians te stopig up tis yor

Combining a variety of exercises into a program—for example, aerobics one day, swimming the next and biking the fol- lowing day. It's called (7°7)).) SAL. "1 Ng and it not only prevents workout boredom but it also lowers your risk of injury by spreading the effort around to different muscle groups rather than focusing on just one. More women are investing in a one-shot workout with a personal trainer— a great way to find out what type of workout is best for your body. Most affordable: Hire a trainer with flash: Designers are continuing to promote color,

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oe

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EOE OU eS) hay UTE |WHAT TO WEAR WITH WHAT? HERE’S HELP| Ve eg

My everyday studs and chains look too dainty

with my strong-shoul- Is there a great, seasonless jewelry dered office clothes. look that works day or night with most Any suggestions? of my wardrobe? Keep jewelry in propor- The pearls-and-chains couture style that Coco Chanel made famous in the thirties tion to your clothes. is hotter than ever, looks trés chic and sophisticated with most outfits—white Strong-lined jackets and blouses, tailored sportswear, slim skirts, pleated trousers, suits—and is suits look best with universally flattering. According to top jewelry designer Kenneth Jay Lane, pearls bolder pieces. Opt for are the answer: “Women love the feminine, sexy look of them.” For a more a chunky, collarbone-length classic look, pare down to a couple of strands of pearls teamed with a few gold chains necklace (like the gold braid or gold-and-crystal chains plus oversize pearl earrings wreathed in gold. If you're a below) or a dramatic trendsetter, the more the merrier! Pile on as many

pin, large-scale ear- pearls and chains as you please! rings, and an important cuff bracelet or an oversize man-tailored watch for balance. Save chains and studs

for casual clothes.

Is it okay to mix gold and silver jewelry?

A metal mix looks right if at least one piece combines the two tones; otherwise, stick to one metal family. Remember that gold and silver evoke opposite feelings: Gold gives a warmer look—works easily with black, red, white, and sunny, yellow-based browns, beiges, apricots, corals and greens. Silver creates a cooler feeling and is tops with black, white, gray, navy, turquoise, plum, mauves and cool pinks.

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Wi Two looks to bank on: Top, loads of pearls and chains in varying sizes; right, hold gold

31

a 8 ctr SS) 5) 7 CS A et ek le LADIES' HOME JOURNAL - JANUARY 1989 |

f C choosing the best hairstyle .. 0 6 11. On the grid below, please mark how whats VOU using products properly ..... O7 you feel about seeing celebrities fea- |

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A triumph of love

Jill Eikenberry almost lost a daughter in an accident, and she faced her own battle with breast cancer. Both of

these challenges have helped the L.A. Law star to become the strong and confident woman she is today

; of L.A. Law fans know her as Ann Kelsey, the power- ype for today’s success-

man. And in many

\| Eikenberry’s off-

»S mirror her on- She is j »lond, beautiful t tk acter she por- married (for <er, the che- ys her hus- Markowitz, on

the top-rated TV seri 34

But in real life, she has weathered more trouble and near-tragedy than the shel- tered Ann Kelsey has ever seen. Five years ago, Jill’s beloved stepdaughter, Alison (Tucker’s child by his first mar- riage), almost died in a car accident that shattered virtually every bone in her body and left her in a coma for three-and-a-half days. Then, shortly after Alison had re- gained her health, in May 1986, Jill heard the diagnosis every woman dreads: She had a malignant breast tumor.

Jill went public with the inspiring story of her breast cancer and recovery last fall in an acclaimed NBC documentary, Des- tined to Live, which will be shown again this spring. Now, in the cheerful living room of her airy, sun-filled house high in the hills above Los Angeles, she reveals some of her private pain. Michael and Ali- son, a vivacious eighteen these days, sit close by; Max, the couple’s six-year-old son, is at school. There is much love and laughter in the room as they banter back and forth about Alison’s unwillingness to brush her unruly red hair, about Mi- chael’s addiction to pasta with butter and Jill’s fond- ness for fattening cheese.

Clearly, it was that closeness that got them through the hard times; clearly, too, they still share the searing memories. Jill recalls how she felt just after learning of her cancer: “Michael andI _— (continued)

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(continued) just held each other. We sat or stood or lay on the bed and just: held on tight. I worried so much about dying, about leaving Max and Alison and Michael. I had trouble sleeping for quite a while. The first thing you experience is raw fear. The second is the question of what will happen to all of your loved ones.”

Jill consulted two breast specialists, who gave differ- ing opinions: The first recommended a modified radi- cal mastectomy to remove the entire breast; the second said that a lumpectomy, removing only the malignant tissue, would be sufficient. She welcomed the chance to choose between the two. “When you first hear you have cancer, you feel that you have lost control of life and are a victim of it all,” she says. “But when you have a choice, you feel you are back at the reins. For me, that choice was a turning point.”

She opted for a lumpectomy, even though it meant two months of radiation therapy just as her TV career was taking off. The family had only recently moved West from New York City; L.A. Law producer Ste- ven Bochco, a college chum of Michael’s, had written the Kelsey and Markowitz roles into his new series

An episode of the critically acclaimed } drama series L.A. Law ‘ allowed Jill and Michael, here with the | cast, to express jam

their fears about

Jill's illness

especially for them. And he arranged the filming sched- ule to accommo- date Jill—so that she could leave at three each after- noon for therapy and treatment programs.

The love of others

Jill was fortunate in the compassion of her colleagues. “Steven wrote a wonderful episode for us where Stuart asks Ann if she wants to work all of her life,” Jill says. “When she says yes, he asks, ‘But what if you get sick? It was so close to what was happening in our lives—so close to the surface—and it was great to be able to use that in our work. It was written with so much love and understanding.” They were grateful for the demands

their new roles made. “We threw ourselves into our work; it was a form of denial,” Jill reflects. Solace also flowed from the family. Little Max at one

point startled his mother by asking, “Mom, are you going to die? Will you die before me?” Jill quickly reassuréd him with a hug and a promise that “I am going to be with you for a very, very long time.” Alison, who had been raised by Jill since she was a toddler (“she’s my mom and I have never called her Jill!” she says indignantly), was particularly support-

22

“Tt is these sorts of things—my illness, Alison’s accident—that make you aware that becoming a TV star isn’t such a big deal.”

ive. “Alison and I have a wonderful relationship,” says her stepmother. “When we heard the news about the cancer, we shared it with Alison. We tried to turn it into something less frightening, and while I wasn’t feeling as positive as I was sounding, Alison picked up on the cues and did the same. She was my optimistic tower of strength.”

And this was appropriate, considering that Alison had already faced—and won—her own struggle with adversity. In the summer of 1983, the thirteen-year- old was enjoying an offbeat holiday, touring the Irish countryside via a picturesque horse-drawn caravan with her mother and grandfather when disaster struck. Alison was leading the horse down the road when a speeding car smashed into her.

Tossed twenty feet by the impact, the teenager land- ed in a bramble bush. It cushioned her fall, but her injuries were terrible nonetheless. Jill and Michael heard the news in faraway New York, where they were living with six-month-o9ld Max. “I got this tele- phone call that said she’d been hit by a car, that she was in a coma and that they didn’t know if she was going to come out of it,” Michael says. “We didn’t even have passports. and there was no time to get to a bank.”

Here, too, the couple were blessed in their friends. To the rescue came actor- director Henry Winkler and his wife, Sta- cey, who interceded with the State De- partment to arrange for passage without passports, money or airline tickets.

“A limousine just pulled up at the door, and the driver told us everything was al- ready taken care of,” Jill reports. Money was waiting when they changed planes in London. And in Ireland, the kindness of strangers materialized. “When we got to Shannon airport, I realized I couldn’t drive two hours on the opposite side of the road in the state I was in,” Michael says, “so I asked a taxi driver to drive, telling him the whole story.”

The Irish cabbie made a phone call, piled the family into his car and then drove straight home to his own family. “He told us we needed something to eat,” Jill recalls with wonder. “His wife had tea and food wait- ing for us. Then he took us-on to the hospital, and while we were with Alison, he drove around to find us a bed- and-breakfast place to stay in.”

The will to live

The couple spent two days by Alison’s bedside, talking to her and praying. Finally, their prayers were an- swered—and in a characteristic way. “I was holding her hand and bending over her saying, ‘It’s Daddy, darling, can you hear me?’” Michael says. “Finally she muttered in a soft voice, ‘Barely.’ It was enough of a wise-guy answer to tell me she would be all right.” But it was a long, slow recovery. Several weeks after the accident, Alison was flown back to New York, encased in a full-body cast and stretched over several seats of the airplane. She spent one (continued)

LADIES’ HOME JOURNAL - JANUARY 1989

owbfs

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Aveeno is not a beauty

bath.

@ JILL EIKENBERRY

continued

month there in physical and psychological therapy.

Even as she regained physical strength, she still had no short-term memory. “She could remember her childhood, but not things that happened a week ago or ten minutes ago,” reports Michael. Then, typically, just as he’s waxing emotional about their terrible ordeal, he decides it’s time to lighten the atmosphere with a zinger. “Of course, she’s still fairly stupid ...” he adds, and both burst out laughing.

Laughter also speeded Jill’s convalescence from can- cer—but it was tears that wrought the final healing. One day during her recovery, she met an old friend, TV producer Linda Otto, for lunch. Linda had also overcome breast cancer, and she suggested they put together a documentary on women who had survived and prospered after surgery.

Jill readily agreed but down. “It was a lu first time. I realized th everyone, for Michael don’t think until that lunc ly myself. If we were to make tl face it. So did Michael. We final

iy found herself breaking ed, probably for the

to be strong for

nd friends, but I

faced it proper-

tary, I had to

out for the

first time almost two years late Once she decided to go ahead wit sct, Jill’s involvement was deep. She served as host -produc- er, sharing the hopeful stories of one hu: survivors, including such household names as Nanc and Gloria Steinem—as well as women like Jill’s au Va Timmons, who suffered breast cancer more tha ty years ago. And for her efforts, Jill received the excellence- in-media award from the Susan G. Komen Foundation, a 40 DIES’ HOME JOURNAL - JANUARY 1989

large private fund for breast-cancer research.

“We tried to tell women it’s not the end of the worl The good thing about my story and those of all the oth: women is that it shows cancer can be beaten and thi we've all gone on to successful, fulfilling lives.”

She certainly has. In addition to L.A. Law, Jill starre last fall in two well-received TV movies. One, A Stonir in Fulham County, was inspired by the true story of tl death of an Amish baby in a small Pennsylvania tow The other came closer to home; in A Family Again, sk and Michael co-starred in a poignant tale about a coup trying to put their lives back together after the accident death of their eldest daughter.

Jill says she’s glad that her rising stardom gave great; visibility to her cancer message. But she adds: “It is the sorts of things—my illness, Alison’s accident—that give yc a real perspective on life. They make you aware that b coming a TV star is probably not as big a deal as you thin There are so many more important things than that.”

These days, the Eikenberry-Tucker household is tryiz to stay in touch with those important things. Jill—wl] has amammogram every six months and a manual exa every three months and so far maintains a clean bill health—is cultivating her rose and herb gardens ar savoring her moments with Max. Alison is now enroll in drama school at Fordham, in New York City, and loc ing forward to an acting career of her own.

They are all still joking, especially about the heig. difference between five-foot-five Michael and five-foc seven Jill. He notes that a British TV interviewer recer ly referred to them as “the knockout and the gnome.” Ar then he adds wryly: “Bet you can’t pick which one is tl] gnome.” In truth, you really can’t pick; in this famil everyone stands tall.

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By Mary Mohler and Margery D. Rosen

ot tonight, honey... Has your lovelife fizzled since the baby was born? According to Penny Wise Budoff, M.D., founder of the

Women’s Medical Center, in Bethpage, New York, many new parents don’t realize how much that little bundle of joy can douse the flames of passion. The best way to mitigate guilty feelings, Budoff advises—and find a solution to your problem—is to understand exactly what's happening to your body and your emotions postpartum.

The first six weeks The reason your doctor told you to abstain from sexual relations (and, for that matter, tub baths, tampons and swimming) for four to six weeks after childbirth is that your cervix and uterus are prone to infection until they've shrunk back to normal size. Even so, the ban on intercourse doesn‘t mean you can’t have any closeness at all. “During the first weeks of new parenthood, couples need the warmth of physical contact,” says Budoff. ‘Kissing, hugging and massages can be wonderful ways to give each other pleasure.” Episiotomies and caesareans

Each woman varies in regard to recovery time and pain threshold, but most often the six-week period of enforced celibacy coincides with the time it takes to feel physically comfortable making love again. “Just be sure to fell your husband that you’re okay,” says Budoff. “He may be afraid of hurting you.” The role of hormones

What if you don’t want to make love, even after the doctor gives you the go-ahead? If you’re nursing, the culprit may be prolactin, a hormone produced in high levels while you're lactating. Many doctors believe this hormone may suppress

EIGHTIES

WHEN KIDS GET SICK What must you have in your

One mothers STORY

A dog’s tale By Elizabeth Berg

y daughter, Julie, is elev- en, and it recently oc- curred to me that it’s been a very long time since I’ve spent much time in her room. Oh, I come in to kiss her good night each evening, and I do some cleaning here every few days, but I don’t, for example, lie next to her on her bed and read aloud like I used to. I don’t play Legos or color with her while we sit cross-legged on the floor. | don’t run through my

the sex drive. Even if you’re not nursing, your body is medicine chest? The National © repertoire of characters at tea readjusting all of your hormones, which can affect sex drive. Association of Pediatric Nurse parties.

The motherhood mind-set Associates & Practitioners has Now what she does here Hormones notwithstanding, the experience of becoming a prepared a free sticker to re- doesn’t include me: She does

mother can in itself diminish desire. As motherhood becomes your number-one priority, you’re probably going to focus (for a while, at least) more on the child than on your husband. Add to that a possible bout of postpartum depression, and you simply may not be all that interested in sex. Just remember: There’s no reason to feel guilty about something so natural and universal. Your husband’s turn Maybe he’s feeling less than amorous. “Some men their wives as Madonna figures,” says

suadeniy se

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. Ec e i DUUO

love to a mother, any mother. Nursing can exacerbate the problem, since your breasts are not there just for his enjoyment anymore and may even excrete milk during lovemaking.”’ Try to get your husband to talk things out. Let him know that your loving feelings for him have not diminished. In extreme cases, you may want to seek professiona! counseling.

Exhaustion

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42

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math homework that’s be- yond my comprehension. She reads fat books to herself. She listens to music I don’t know and wouldn’t recom- mend. She shares secrets in low voices with her girlfriends. There is a poster of a rock group on her wall, and a steadily growing stack of record albums on the floor. On shelves there are what seem to be thousands of stuffed animals. And sitting at the end of the row is Snoopy, barely recognizable, who has been loved seriously, almost into oblivion. He was for many years Ju- lie’s “‘blankie,’’ the thing she need- ed for sleep, for comfort, for every- thing. I remember saying to her, at a time when she was much shorter, that there would (continued)

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(continued) come a day when ‘‘Dog- gie’’ would just be too delicate, too old, for daily use. Then we’d have to put him on a special shelf where he would be loved from a distance and shown the great respect he would by then have earned. ‘*But that will be when you’ve outgrown him anyway,”’ I had reassured her. I forgot about me.

The ends of Doggie’s ears are pa- per-thin from Julie using them to rub her nose in the ritual she performed as her prelude to slumber. The ears still (I check) carry the scent of childsleep, that earthy, lovely smell that wraps itself around our young ones every morning.

I remember Doggie’s roles: student, in hundreds of impromptu indoor and outdoor classrooms. Offspring, of ar- bitrary gender. Much-maligned hus- band. Wildly erratic driver of the little red wagon and frequent accident vic- tim of same. Even silent sufferer of chicken pox, complete with taped-on red construction paper dots to emulate his owner’s.

] remember Julie’s grandpa once in- nocently suggesting that she throw her beat-up Doggie away and get a new one, and how Julie’s heart and mine protested in unison and outrage, though on the outside we only politely demurred.

Now Doggie lives on the shelf, and except in times of extreme heartache, he doesn’t come down anymore. And in that moment, I realize Doggie and I have both been shelved, in a way. Julie loves us, but she is

You tell us: What's the best way to

HOW WOULD YOU HANDLE Ir

A close relative has died. Would you take your child to the funeral?

Mi JoAnn Czarny, 30, Summit, NJ, two children, 41/2, 2/2

| would not take my two-year-old to a funeral service, but my four-year-old? Definitely. | think it would help him un- derstand the finality of death. It’s one thing for a parent to explain what has happened and another for a child to par- ticipate in a meaningful service. |’d be sure to explain everything that would be happening, and if it looked as though he wasn’t able to handle it, I’d leave.

@ Christine Marsh, 30, Lexington, KY, four children, 10, 8, 6, 11/2

Some kids find it hard to figure out where the dead person went, and in that case | think the funeral could put it all in con- crete terms. | don’t think you can make any hard and fast rules. But you have to know the maturity level of your child. For instance, I’d take my six-year-old to the funeral service, which is usually calm and subdued, but not to the cemetery or to a viewing, which | think might be scary for him.

WA-AH-AH-AH i Judith Garson, attorney 39, New

York City, one child,6 Our son was three when his grandfather

growing older and more inde- ing infant? i

pendent, as she should; and she Te atte) sede died, and we took am to the funeral be- doesn’t need us in the same card with your favorite tried-and- SS ROU Loe Niel see leu le ville ee way. That’s why I am a relative ‘cue advice to Parents’ Journal, LHj [eft behind. First, we read lots of books— stranger in her room. '90 Park Avenue, New York, NY Nana Upstairs, Nana Downstairs, by Tomie

J, too, am torn between two emotions: I am happy my daughter is growing up—and sad to lose her to the beginnings of adolescence.

Almost imperceptibly, | sway for a moment, rocking Doggie and me in a tiny ceremony of recognition and res ignation. Then I gently put him back on the shelf.

46

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10017. We'll publish the best of DePaola, was particularly helpful. You vest in a future issue. have to know your child and yourself. Will

you be upset if he acts like a three-year- old? Peter talked and wandered around a lot during the ser- vice. | had to let him act the way he wanted to—and actually, he was a nice distraction for many of the mourners. Be part of our panel and share your parenting expertise: Send your name, address, age, phone number and a brief description of your family (number and age of kids) to Parents’ Journal, LHJ, 100 Park Avenue, New York, NY 10017. We'll keep the information on file and call a few of you each month with a question.

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EXCLUSIVE

If you're ready to get rid of those unflattering post-holiday y pounds, here’s a weight-loss plan —..

re you joining the multitudes who ring in the New Year with resolutions to win the battle of the bulge? “More diets are born on New Year's Day than at any other time,” says Nema Frye, R.D., of Weight Watchers International, in Jericho, New York. p r Ft -

Unfortunately, too many diets are short-lived; excess pounds and / LY Gweer aE inches remain or return, and all those good intentions dissolve

like so much melting snow. 5 But it doesn’t have to be that way. “There can be something Covlies. / Corby ond very positive about the first of the year,” says Ronna Kabatznick, Ph.D., psychological consultant to Weight Watchers. “The slate is aa ke ( he symbolically wiped clean, and you are ready to move forward.” = CO The key to sticking to good resolutions is to be realistic: Aim to

lose one to two pounds a week. tr nid To help you do just that, Weight Watchers International, known Bet

for its sensible, nutritious and tasty approach to eating, has developed a set of palate-pleasing, 1,200-calorie-a-day menus Lh 10. Dy exclusively for Ladies’ Home Journal readers (page 52). na PAA

To lose excess weight slowly and safely, use these menus as a

t guide to create your own diet-smart meals by adapting them to suit 200 i your individual tastes. Substitute fish for chicken, for example, or Once Ar

one fruit or vegetable for another. Just be sure to keep portion

sizes comparable, and stick to the types of food used here: fresh

fruits and vegetables, cereals and grains, dairy products, and lean meat or other low-fat pro- tein sources. Depending on how quickly you shed pounds—and how soon you reach your goal weight—you can begin to add an occasional treat, such as a favorite dessert or glass of wine.

MM The exercise connection

The new year is the perfect time for improving your eating habits and also taking another

look at exercise. If you, like many women, don’t have time to jog or do aerobics regularly, take heart. Every time you move, you burn calories. “Physical activity includes all bodily movement, not only what we normally think of as exercise,” says William D. McArdle, Ph.D., exercise consultant to Weight Watchers. (continued)

49

(continued) To figure out how to put more activity into your routine, let’s look at how many calories an average busy woman burns on a typical day. (All figures are approximate.)

11:00 P.m.-7:00 A.M. Sleep eight hours: 360 calories 7:00-7:30 A.M. Make breakfast and eat, partly stand- ing, mostly sitting: 30 calories

7:30-8:30 A.M. Get kids off to school, husband off to work, straighten up: 120 calories

8:30-9:00 A.M. Go to work—drive ten blocks to station, take train and bus to office: 30 calories

9:00 A.M.-1:00 P.M. Perform normal office routine, in- cluding walking, typing, filing: 360 calories

1:00-2:00 P.M. Lunch hour spent shopping; traveling by bus: 60 calories

2:00-5:00 P.M. Normal office routine: 250 calories 5:00-6:00 p.m. Go home from work—bus and train to station; drive ten blocks home: 30 calories

6:00-7:00 P.M. Prepare dinner—some walking, some standing: 75 calories

7:00-7:30 P.M. Eat dinner, chat at table: 35 calories 7:30-9:00 P.M. Wash dishes, mop floor, vacuum, do laundry, write letters: 180 calories

9:00-9:30 P.M. Put children to bed, lay out clothing for the next day: 45 calories

9:30-11:00 P.M. Watch TV, read, go to bed: 90 calories

TOTAL CALORIE EXPENDITURE: 1,665

While the schedule outlined here sounds hectic, this hard day’s work may not help a woman lose weight. In fact, if calorie intake goes above 1,665, she may gain. Here’s how our typical woman could boost energy expenditure: HB Walk briskly to and from the train station both morning and evening: 30 minutes—150 calories H Walk from store to store while shopping instead of taking the bus: 20 minutes—100 calories

With these simple changes, an additional 250 calories per day are used.

fle nF EENo inore ciet : dropouts

Okay, now that you know what fo do fo trim down once and for all, how can you i put yourse * frame of mind to stick with healthy changes? “{i’s a mat getting a positive attitude and turning it inte Ss mostiiee action,” says Kabatznick. Here are some wa fashape your thoughts:

HB Don't “go on a dict is seemingly innocen? phrase is emotionally loaded, becca t imolies you wil n wo off the diet. Instead, tell yourself your goal is to improve your eating

habits permanently.

@ Think “thinner’ rather than “thin. standing weight problem, it may be * yourself in a much slimmer body.

have a long- ficult to envision tead of aiming for

complete, immediate transformation, picture yourself as, say, ten pounds lighter. When you reach that goal, you can decide if you want, or need, to lose more weight.

WM Accept the lapse, avoid the relapse. A lapse is a small, temporary slipup; relapse, on the other hand, is what happens when a single lapse turns into many. So if you err, simply forgive yourself and get back on track. The important thing is to recover from the lapse and learn something from it.

i Be aware of your binge triggers. The seemingly uncontrolla- ble urge to overeat does not appear out of the blue. The quiz below will help you spot your trigger situations and develop constructive responses that don’t involve food.

HE Don't pull the trigger!

IN THE SPACE TO THE RIGHT OF EACH STATEMENT, PUT A 3 IF THE PHRASE IS ALWAYS TRUE FOR YOU, 2 IF IT’S SOME- TIMES TRUE, AND 1 IF IT’S NEVER TRUE.

| feel especially tempted to overeat when: 1. | am visiting with friends. (P) 2. | am feeling very happy or very sad. (F) 3. | am in a new situation—especially one involving travel. (A) 4. | am around large quantities of food. (S) 5. | am celebrating a special occasion or entertaining friends. (E) 6. | am feeling physically or emotionally fatigued. (F) 7. | am in food stores, ice-cream shops or bakeries. (S) 8. | am at a social function, such as a sports event ar wedding. (E) 9. | am reading or watching television. (A) 10. | am with others who are eating. (P)

Now total your scores for each letter:

pate ee Sees Pees Pepe: Rite ee

Each letter represents a common eating trigger: “P,”

the people trigger, means you're especially likely to

eat in the presence of others. “F,” feeling trigger, means strong emotions often cause you to overeat. “A,” activity trigger, indicates watching TV or going to movies may prompt unplanned eating. “S,” sensory trigger, means you're likely to indulge at the sight or smell of tempting foods. “E,” event trigger, suggests special occasions prompt you to splurge.

A score of 5 or 6 for a particular letter means this is a trigger you definitely need to work on; 3 or 4 means some work is needed; 2 or less means this is not one of your binge triggers. Now that you’ve discovered what triggers your binges, you can begin to change your behavior. For example, if your trigger happens to be sensory, instead of giving in to temptation next time you pass a gourmet cookie shop, remind yourself how well you are doing and congratulate yourself for walking on by.

LADIES’ HOME JOURNAL » JANUARY 1989

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So many shapes and flavors, it makes other meals seem downright mousy.

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WEIGHT WATCHERS® QUICK SUCCESS® ea Le ee as PEND Ms Ut) eee el

Men and youths may add one extra serving of fruit, 1to2 cups skim milk and have slightly larger portions of all main dishes.

Ml BREAKFAST

Y2 medium banana, sliced

¥Y_ ounce cold cereal

1 cup skim or nonfat milk

or

Oatmeal’n’ raisins (% cup cooked oatmeal, 2 tablespoons dark raisins, ¥ cup skim milk and ¥% teaspoon honey)

Mi SNACKS

(Choose two per day)

1 cup plain popcorn

Ye cup reduced-calorie pudding

1 graham cracker (2¥2-inch square) 1 serving fresh fruit

ll BEVERAGES

Coffee, tea, mineral water

@ LUNCH

Chicken salad (2 ounces diced skinned chicken mixed with Y% cup diced 1 teaspoon mayonnaise and Dijon mustard on 4 lettuce 2 dill pickle spears and’6 3 adishes 1 slice reduced-calorie whole wheat ‘bread

1 small oresge oe

Lentils, Rice and Venet 1 cup cooked chopped spinach 1% cups mixed green salad with } teaspoons Italian dressing + wine vinegar

Y cup unsweetened fruit salad toppe with VY cup plain jo. yogur

TUESDAY LUNCH

Roast beef sandwich (2 ounce: roast beef with % cup alfalfa lettuce leaves and 1 teaspoon

*Recipe given

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mayonnaise and Dijon mustard on 2 slices reduced-calorie rye bread)

6 each carrot and celery sticks

1 small pear

DINNER

1 serving fish fillets amandine (5 ounces broiled flounder or haddock fillets seasoned with salt, pepper, lemon juice and Y% ounce toasted slivered almonds)

3 ounces baked sweet potato

1 cup cooked snow peas

1¥% cups sliced Belgian endive with Ya teaspoon olive oil mixed with red wine vinegar and seasonings

Ye cup unsweetened grapefruit sections

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@ LUNCH

Egg salad (2 hard-cooked eggs, chopped, with 2 tablespoons chopped celery and 2 teaspoons reduced-calorie mayonnaise on

2 lettuce leaves)

6 each green pepper strips and carrot sticks

1 small orange

MB DINNER

1 serving Chicken with Prune Sauce*

Ye cup cooked barley with Y% cup cooked sliced mushrooms

1 cup cooked shredded red cabbage

1% cups mixed green salad with 1% teaspoons Russian dressing mixed with 2 tablespoons plain low-fat yogurt and Y% teaspoon mustard

1 slice pumpernickel bread

Ye cup reduced-calorie vanilla pudding

PAD

Ml DINNER

1 serving Cauliflower Soup* 3 ounces broiled flank steak 3 ounces baked potato with 2 tablespoons plain low-fat yogurt and chopped chives cup steamed broccoli spears Escarole-onion salad (1% cups torn carole with Ys cup sliced red onion and spoon salad oil mixed with red wine sr and seasonings) s diet chocolate frozen dessert

arty NG LUNCH

Ham ‘n’ cheese sandwich (1 ounce each

sliced boiled ham and Cheddar cheese with 3 tomato slices and 1 teaspoon each reduced-calorie mayonnaise and mustard on 2 slices reduced-calorie multigrain bread)

6 each cucumber spears and radishes

1 medium kiwifruit or 1 small orange

DINNER

1 serving Linguine and Clams*

1 serving Eggplant-Turkey Italiano*

1 cup steamed chopped Swiss chard

1% cups mixed green salad with 1¥2 teaspoons olive oil mixed with red wine vinegar and seasonings

Ye cup low-calorie lemon-flavored gelatin (8 calories per % cup)

LUNCH

¥, cup chicken bouillon

Tofu Salad (3 ounces diced tofu with % cup each broccoli florets and sliced zucchini, 6 green pepper strips, % cup sliced radishes, and 1 teaspoon each soy sauce, Chinese sesame oil and rice vinegar)

1 ounce whole wheat pita bread

1 cup skim or nonfat milk

Mi DINNER

4 ounces broiled swordfish with lemon wedge

Yo cup mashed cooked winter squash

1 cup cooked Brussels sprouts

Tomato salad (6 tomato slices with V%

cup alfalfa sprouts and 1% teaspoons

Russian dressing on 4 lettuce leaves)

Ye cup reduced-calorie chocolate pudding

i LUNCH

Open-face peanut butter and “jelly” sandwich (1tablespoon peanut butter with 2 teaspoons reduced-calorie raspberry spread [16 calories per 2 teaspoons] on 1 slice reduced-calorie white bread)

6 each carrot and celery sticks

¥, cup skim or nonfat milk

3 ounces sliced roast leg of lamb

Ye cup cooked green peas with 2 cup cooked sliced mushrooms

1 cup cooked cauliflower florets

1% cups mixed green salad with 1% teaspoons olive oil mixed with red wine vinegar and seasonings

3 melba rounds

1 serving Bananas with Maple-Yogurt Sauce*

Weight Watchers and Quick Success are registered trademarks of Weight Watchers International, Inc.

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LENTILS, RICE AND VEGETABLES

2 teaspoons olive or vegetable oil

2 cups thinly sliced onions

Yo cup thinly sliced sweet red pepper

Yo cup thinly sliced sweet yellow pepper

1 small garlic clove, minced

2 cups water

3 ounces uncooked dried lentils, rinsed

2 ounces uncooked brown rice

1 packet (.19 oz.) instant chicken broth mix

2 tablespoons sour cream

2 teaspoons chopped fresh flat-leaf parsley

In medium saucepan heat oil over high

heat. Add onions, peppers and garlic;

cook, stirring frequently, until tender,

8 to 10 minutes. Remove 1 cup onion

mixture to small bowl and keep warm. Add water, lentils, rice and broth

mix to remaining vegetable mixture.

Bring to a-boil, stirring occasionally.

Reduce heat to low; cover and simmer

until lentils and rice are tender, about

40 minutes. Transfer to serving platter

and top with reserved onion mixture.

Spoon sour cream on top and sprinkle

with parsley. Makes 2 servings.

Nutritional info per serving: 390 calories, 16 gm

protein, 9 gm fat, 63 gm carbohydrates, 523 mg

CHICKEN WITH PRUNE SAUCE

1% pounds chicken parts, skinned teaspoon salad oil

teaspoon salt, divided

Dash freshly ground pepper cup chopped onion

cup chopped celery

cup chopped carrot

cup plus 2 tablespoons water, divided small parsley sprig

bay leaf

pitted large prunes

teaspoon fresh lemon juice teaspoon granulated sugar feaspoon margarine

1 teaspoon ali-purpose flour

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Pat chicken parts dry with paper tow- el. Heat oil in 12-inch nonstick skillet. Add chicken, sprinkle with % teaspoon salt and the pepper, and 5 until lightly browned on all sid move from ski and set aside. bles to skillet a: ook, stil re itly, until sofi but not t Return chicken ti { Add } ter, the parsley leaf. |} boil. Reduce he: mmer until chicke YT, ade minutes ut ore chicken is do cor ll saucepan wi

lemon juice, sugar and % cup water until tender, about 5 minutes.

Transfer chicken to serving platter. Remove parsley and bay leaf from veg- etable mixture. With slotted spoon ar- range prunes around chicken; cover platter with foil to keep warm.

Strain vegetable mixture through fine sieve, pressing solids with back of spoon. In small saucepan heat marga- rine. Add flour and cook, stirring con- stantly, 2 minutes. Gradually stir in reserved vegetable liquid, prune liq- uid, and remaining 2 tablespoons wa- ter and 's teaspoon salt. Boil, stirring constantly, until slightly thickened. Pour sauce over chicken and prunes. Nutritional info per serving: 278 calories, 9 gm fat, 32 gm protein, 18 gm carbohydrates, 431 mg sodium, 99 mg cholesterol.

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2 tablespoons margarine Ye cup diced onion 5% cups cauliflower florets

3 cups water

2 teaspoons all-purpose flour

1 packet (.19 oz.) instant chicken broth mix

1 teaspoon salt

Pinch white pepper

1 cup skim milk

Ground nutmeg (optional) In large saucepan heat margarine over medium-high heat. Add onion; cook, stirring frequently, until translucent, about 5 minutes. Stir in cauliflower. Sprinkle with flour, broth mix, salt and pepper; cook, stirring constantly, 1 minute. Gradually stir in water. Bring to a boil. Reduce heat; cover and sim- mer until cauliflower is tender, about 10 minutes. Cool slightly.

Puree cauliflower with cooking liq- uid in 2 batches in blender. Return to saucepan and stir in milk. Simmer, stirring occasionally, until hot. Ladle into 4 soup bowls. Sprinkle with nut- meg. Makes 4 servings.

Nutritional info per serving: 135 calories, 7 gm protein, 6 gm fat, 16 gm carbohydrates, 893 mg sodium, 1 mg cholesterol.

LINGUINE AND CLAMS

2 teaspoons olive oil

Y, cup chopped onion

2 garlic cloves, minced

12 small littleneck clams, scrubbed

medium tomato, peeled, seeded, chopped

cup bottled clam juice

cup dry white wine

tablespoon chopped fresh parsley

teaspoon dried thyme leaves

Pinch freshly ground pepper

cup hot cooked linguine

2 tablespoons freshly grated Parmesan cheese

In large nonstick skillet heat oil over

1igh heat. Add onion and garlic; cook, rring, until softened. Add remaining

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ingredients except linguine and chee Cover and cook until clams open, 4 minutes. Toss linguine with clam m ture in bowl. Sprinkle with Parmes| cheese. Makes 2 servings.

Nutritional info per serving: 230 calories, 13 protein, 7 gm fat, 24 gm carbohydrates, 254 |

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1 medium eggplant, pared and cubed 4 cups water 1% teaspoons salt, divided 10 ounces ground turkey 1 cup diced onions 1 cup diced sweet green pepper 1 small garlic clove, minced 1 teaspoon dried oregano Ye teaspoon freshly ground pepper Pinch ground red pepper 1 cup tomato sauce 2 tablespoons chopped fresh parsley 1 tablespoon freshly grated Parmesan chec In large saucepan bring eggplant, 1} ter and *4 teaspoon salt to a boil. duce heat and cook 5 minutes. Dra: Spray large nonstick skillet wh vegetable cooking spray and heat a medium heat. Add turkey and cook til lightly browned, 3 to 4 minu§ Stir in onions, green pepper, gal oregano, both peppers and remain Ys teaspoon salt; cook, stirring quently, until vegetables are ten) about 4 minutes. Stir in eggplant, mato sauce and parsley. Cover simmer until flavors are blended, 3 35 minutes. Sprinkle with Parmef just before serving. Makes 4 servir§ Nutritional info per serving: 190 calories, 1 protein, 8 gm fat, 16 gm carbohydrates, 93/f

BANANAS WITH MAPLE-YOGURT SAU

2 firm-ripe medium bananas 1 teaspooon margarine, melted 1 teaspoon fresh lemon juice Ys cup plain low-fat yogurt 1 tablespoon plus 1 teaspoon maple syrup} Pinch ground cinnamon Preheat broiler. Peel bananas; fi lengthwise in half, then crosswisfi half again. Arrange pieces in fli proof baking dish. Mix margarine lemon juice; brush evenly overpé nanas. Broil 5 to 6 inches from fa until heated through, 3 to 4 minu§ In small bowl mix yogurt and mp syrup. Spoon bananas and any li in dish into bowls. Top each serfi with half the yogurt mixture. Spr: with cinnamon. Makes 2 servings Nutritional info per serving: 175 calories, i protein, 3 gm fat, 37 gm carbohydrates, | sodium, 2 mg cholesterol.

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LADIES’ HOME JOURNAL » JANUARB

SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: Quitting Smoking Now Greatly Reduces Serious Risks to Your Health.

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LADIES

Three leading Cybill Shepherd is hav- ladies bring

ing an anxiety attack. A bona fide, grade A cheers, tears

anxiety attack. The sub- and careers to ject is Moonlighting.

‘We begin filming the big screen in ten days, and I still this winter

haven’t seen a script,” she says, her voice be- §S@Q@SONn

ginning to rise. “‘Not

one single page! That makes me nuts.”

Whoa! Something’s wrong here. Cybill and I are supposed to be talking about Chances Are, her up- coming movie co-starring Ryan O’Neal—her first since her Moonlighting comeback three years ago. That’s what you’d think would have her tossing and turning at night. After all, the last few films she made in the late seventies were so maligned by critics and ignored by the public, she was forced to flee Hollywood for years.

‘‘T try not to let that worry me,’’ she says, and then pauses for a moment. ‘‘It doesn’t always work, but even if I get bad reviews, I can’t run back and change the performance.”’

Cybill insists she’s glad she did the film, which she says was a far more enjoyable project than work- ing on Moonlighting.

**Making this film was like a gift from heaven, because Moonlighting was not a happy work experi- ence,’’ she says. ‘‘The scripts are always late. The schedule is a killer—you’re always tired and under the gun. On this film I sometimes worked fourteen hours a day, but it was a very respectful and collabo- rative atmosphere—and | had a lot of fun.”

For years, Cybill and her co-stars have de- nied the never-ending . rumors that their set is rougher than a Satur- day night at the roller derby. Now, however, she admits that for much of last season, she was locked in an

almost constant battle 4 beaming Cybill on the with Glenn Caron, the — grm of her handsome husband, show’s (continued) — Dr, Bruce Oppenheim

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(continued) creator and former executive pro- ducer, who left at the beginning of the season. ‘‘There was terrible contention between Glenn and me, particularly at the end,’’ she admits. ‘I think I drove him crazy because he couldn’t control me. He would be abusive toward me, screaming that I didn’t care about my work.”’

Cybill also admits that she and Bruce Willis sometimes verbally duke it out, although she insists, ‘‘With Bruce and me, it’s different— we’re more like kids fighting. When you're working with someone for nine or ten months straight, it’s like being in prison together. You go through periods where you hate each other’s guts. But when I look back on what we’ve done together, I’m so im- pressed. He’s so talented, so really talented.”

After the turmoil of Moonlighting, some might have thought that Chances Are would be a little like going from the frying pan into the fire. After all, Cybill’s co-star in the film, Ryan O’Neal, also has a reputation for being a handful on the set.

As it turns out, she insists, she and her co-star got along fabulously. “‘I don’t know, I just felt comfortable with him. It was amazing doing a love scene with him.”’

There’s a devilish tone in Cybill’s voice as she explains the various love triangles in Chances Are, directed by Emile (Dirty Dancing) Ardolino. Cybill plays a woman who falls in love, not knowing the

man is her late husband * (played by Robert Downey,

Jr.), who has been reincarnat-

ed as a younger man. Yes, Cy-

bill also has a love scene with

m Downey, who, at twenty-

three, is fifteen years younger.

Now Cybill says she’d like to make another film as soon ible and has already re-

‘ceived a number of offers— including « sible sequel to The Last Pictu Show, the film that launched her career. arias ‘*But mostly, I want io be with Cybill takes her my children and my husband. I chances with Robert work a lot, and every free mo- Downey, Jr., in her ment I have, I want to be with new film, Chances Are — them.”’ -ERIC SH

LADIES -

Bette Midler gels serious

t is the face that launched a thousand schticks—an

animated, moon-shaped puss that was destined for

comedy. How can you help laughing when you

look at those gigantic, saucer-shaped eyes ready to

pop forth at a moment’s notice? Combine that with

Hollywood’s most flamboyant talent since Mae West, and you’ve got Bette Midler—the sassiest, trash- iest, funniest woman in America.

But hold everything! After racking up four hit come- dies in a row (Down and Out in Beverly Hills, Ruthless People, Outrageous Fortune, Big Business), the wick- edly Divine Miss M is suddenly getting serious. In her holiday release, Beaches, she takes on her first dramat- ic role since she won an Academy Award nomination for The Rose in 1979. After laughing with Bette for so long, is America ready to cry again?

‘*] think her fans are going to see a Bette they’ve never seen before, even in The Rose,’’ says co-star Barbara Hershey. “‘In this film, you see her for what she really is: a very warm and introspective person.”’

In Beaches Bette plays CC Bloom, a (continued)

ia need to be a genius Mae Cmte beauty of

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LIZADENG LADIES

(continued) brash and streetwise singer with a surprisingly vulnerable side. In many ways, it’s an accurate description of Midler herself—a woman who can camp it up when the camera is rolling, then show an unlikely quiet side when the director hollers ‘‘cut!”’

‘‘Having known her casually for a while, I was used to the brassy Bette,’’ says the director of Beaches, Garry Marshall, who also directed The Flamingo Kid and Nothing in Common.

L ‘‘But what I didn’t realize is that she has a very

tender, emotional side.”’

And that may be because of her most satisfying role, as a wife and mother. Much of that tender- ness comes from Bette’s two-year-old daughter, Sophie, who was constantly on the Beaches set. During breaks, the Divine Momma M would make a beeline for her toddler.

“‘I’d spend every spare moment between takes read- ing over the script,’ says Lainie Kazan, who plays Bette’s mother in the film. “‘I’d be sitting there furiously preparing, and Bette would be playing with her child. There would be a call for action, she’d hand the baby over to someone, jump right into the scene, do it perfectly, then walk right back to her baby. It all seemed to come so easily for her.””

So easily that she has agreed to write a book on her techniques of motherhood culled from her experi- ences with Sophie. The book is due in the fall.

Whether or not Beaches does well at the box office, we’ll be seeing a lot of the more serious Miss M in the future. Her next movie is expected to be a remake of Stella Dallas, the 1937 Barbara Stanwyck melodrama about a mother who sacrifices her own

happiness for her

daughter. Anyone

who is familiar

— with the original

. tearjerker knows

enough to keep a box of Kleenex handy. Consider- ing Midler’s newly

polished dramatic skills, you’d better

get two boxes for

With a serious role in Beaches, Bette Midler is hoping to make waves at the box office

the remake —ERIC SHERMAN

Having braved outer space

and the African jungle, Sigourney Weaver makes a ~ play for the executive suite

Sigourney Weaver goes to work

No one can say Sigourney Weaver can’t tough it out. She out-Ramboed Stallone by barbecuing her extraterrestrial adversaries in Alien and its sequel Aliens. She was possessed by a demon that resided in the dairy section of her refrigerator in Ghostbusters. Then the thirty-nine-year-old actress became den mother to a group of four-hundred-fifty- pound mountain gorillas when she played American naturalist Dian Fossey in the fall hit Gorillas In the Mist.

You’d think after spending all that time in the African jungle, she’d just want to relax for a while. But heck no, Sigourney Weaver is a Working Girl. That's the name of her newest movie, directed by Mike Nichols, and it is the film that confirms she’s become one of today’s biggest stars.

In Working Girl, co-starring Melanie Griffith and Harrison Ford, Sigourney plays a high-powered executive who knows what she wants and will stop at nothing to get it. In-reality, however, it took Sigourney some time to figure out what her goals were and a while longer to realize them. But her legacy was show business. Her father, Sylvester “Pat” Weaver, is a former president of NBC; her mother, Elizabeth Inglis, is a former British actress.

Determined to make her own way in acting, Sigourney enrolled in drama school at Stanford and later Yale, where she was a classmate of Meryl Streep’s. After graduation she appeared with Ingrid Bergman in the Broadway production of The Constant Wife, and after a few stops on the daytime TV circuit, she landed the Alien role, which jump-started her career and led to parts in such hits as The Year of Living Dangerously, Ghostbusters and Eyewitness.

What's next for this busy and talented actress? It seems to be a role she can play at home with her husband of four years, theatrical director Jim Simpson. “My husband and | are thinking about being parents,” she reveals. “That's more important than running eT ra around [on screen] with guns.” —MiKE HAMMER

Sigourney with a friend from Gorillas in the Mist

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The last rays of setting sun danced across the glimmering countertops in the Delta Plantation kitchen. Susan squinted in the golden light, as she reached out to lower the blinds. Clutching her bottle of Fantastik, she began spraying the dirty stove top. As she briskly wiped away *e snatters of dried spaghetti

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bered the excitement she had felt. He would be here any moment. Tall with dark tousled hair, a Roman nose which he said was too big, but was actually per- fectly suited for his large brown eyes. Eyes that seemed to absorb every inch of her beauty. Her beauty. Shed never felt it existed until Francisco came into her life. She thought about their first meeting. She had heard the doorbell and glanced through the foyer window, where

he stood gazing in awe at

he white columns of

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the ancient Magnolia trees, and the huge green lawn of Delta. She opened the door uncautiously as if she instinctively trusted him. “Hi? she said uncharacter- istically casual to a total stranger. “Hi. I'm here to deliver some packages to Mr. Conrad Effingham” His smile seemed to cut through any pretense or formality. It was a genuine smile. The kind that makes a stranger not a stranger anymore. She glanced out to the circular driveway where his green delivery truck was parked. She hadn't noticed it, or his green work shirt with the name “Francisco” stitched over his right pocket. She had only now been able to pull her eyes from his strik- ing face. “This place is beautiful” he said. ‘Pye seen it from the main road many ‘mes, but never came through entrance” Then he looked

‘xectly at her, his gaze

‘rifting from her long

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‘ser bright green

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on Said softly. he stumbled on her words, “Why, uh, thank you” Susan Aélt her pulse jump. Her lips and cheeks tingled warmly as the capil- ‘“anies swelled with the rush. “Could ou sign for this...Mrs. Effingham?” She took the clipboard from ‘4s outstretched arm, brush- ‘ng his hand as she reached ‘xc his ballpoint. It was a ’mple little touch, yet seemed to send *spulse racing on faster.

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*Veal Scallops with Marsala Sauce *Shiitake Mushrooms with Herbs

Parsleyed Rice

Sautéed Broccoli and Cherry Tomatoes

*Strawberry Royale Sorbet

“Recipe given

WITH HERBS

Lending the taste of a wild forest mushroom, shiitakes are cultivated i U.S. and are widely available Preheat broiler. In small bowl combing 2 table- spoons olive oil and 1% teaspoon ea¢h thyme, rosemary, salt and pepper. Add/ 4 ounces shiitake mushrooms, stems removed; toss ¥ to coat. Spread mushrooms on broi broil until tender, 5to7 minutes. Nutrition info per serving: 70 calories, 1 gm protein, 7 gm fat, 1 gm carbohydrates, 136 mg sodium, 0 mg cholesterol.

ry a! 4 é

An elegant, intimate New Year's Eve dinner. Next page, a host of holiday appetizers

Marsala, a head adds depth and flavo boils off in th

In large skillet heat | over medium-high hea eanwhile, coat 12 pounds veal scallops thin, with flour; shake off excess. Add to skillet a few at a time and sauté 1 minute per side, adding | table- spoon more vegetable oil as needed. Transfer veal to a warm platter and cover to keep warm. Add 4 cup minced shallots to skillet and cook, stirring frequently, 1 minute. Increase heat to high. Add 2 cup dry Marsala wine and | cup chicken broth, stirring to scrape up browned bits, and boil until sauce is reduced by half. Pour over veal and serve immediately.

Nutrition info per serving: 370 calories, 35 gm protein, 21 gm fat, 8 gm carbohydrates, 411 mg sodium, 121 mg cholesterol.

STRAWBERRY ROYALE SORBET

A light, luscious finale—it goes from food processor to table in only three minutes! In food processor process 2 cup sugar 30 seconds. Add ¥% cup chilled champagne or ale and | tablespoon lon juice; process 30 more. Add approxi- 2 cups frozen whole tened strawberries a20-0z. package); pulse break up berries. hine on, add re- package through

LADIES’ HOME JOURNAL » JANUARY 1989

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Creamettes Supreme

2 cups uncooked

Creamettes® Elbow

Macaroni Ys cup butter or margarine,

divided 1 lb. boneless chicken, skinned,

and cut into strips 2 tsps. chicken-flavor instant bouillon 2 cloves garlic, minced 2 cups small fresh broccoli flowerets 1 medium onion, cut into chunks 1 medium red pepper, cut into

small strips 1 cup sliced carrots Y tsp. tarragon leaves Ys tsp. lemon-pepper Y2 cup frozen peas, thawed 1 cup milk 1 tbsp. flour 1% cups shredded American cheese

Prepare Creamettes® Elbow Macaroni according to package directions; drain. In medium skillet, melt 2 tbsps. butter.

EE ld es eh vent dar Bee Seg ee ge - gs oe

(reamelles

until chicken is

browned. Remove chicken.

Add remaining butter and next six in- gredients. Stir-fry 1 minute. Cover. Cook

MACARONI just until broccoli is tender. Stir in mac- (Fee yo, aroni, chicken and peas. Heat through. ahe c

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It’s so frustrating when toddlers won't listen or

teenagers fight back. The temptation is great to

fall back on the old, unproductive strategies—

extreme responses that trigger an explosion.

Here are eighteen common family flare-ups,

and some new and better ways to react to them. The two Harvard experts who've created this chart know all about family feuds. As the parents of three children, they have personal as well as professional experience in defusing blowups before war is declared

Excerpted from the book WHEN FAMILIES FIGHT, by Jeff Rubin, Ph.D., and Coro! Rubin, Ph.D. To be published next next month by William Morrow & Co,, Inc.

PROBLEM

Toddler to five

HE WANTS TO SLEEP

IN BED WITH YOU

SHE’S TOO NOISY (TALKS TOO LOUD, TOO MUCH, INAPPROPRIATELY)

DELAYED TOILET TRAINING

FIGHTS BETWEEN SIBLINGS

HE DOESN'T WANT TO STAY AT PRESCHOOL

OPPOSITIONAL BEHAVIOR (NO, NO, NO”)

How to handle

COMMON RESPONSE

An absolute no—you don’t want to set a precedent; always giving in—you've let your

child become the boss

Confrontation (‘be quiet or else’); tuning out; sending her to her room

Worry; yell or scold; call her a baby; make bathroom into a battlefield

Going after the louder, bigger sibling, calling the foul on the second offender; punishing

both kids

Let him stay home—you feel sorry for him; coldly force him to stay there—he’s got

to do what you say

Becoming paralyzed in a standoff; — threats and punishments

gy at Tufts University an of the Program on Negotiation at Harvard University. His wife, Carol, a clinical psychologist in famil practice, also teaches at Harvard.

BETTER RESPONSE

ly fights

Sy Te inc

TUT gD

Jeff Rubin is professor of ipenoals

Make his room more attractive; allow him to spend some time with you and then send him back to his room; put him in his room with a story on a cassette; be consistent; be gentle but state the facts—say, “Kids sleep in their own beds”

Be a good model—don’t interrupt your children, and speak respectfully; make up a game to teach turn- taking in conversation; introduce the idea of quiet time (bonus: You get some privacy while she plays alone)

Praise mature behavior in other areas; avoid humiliating her; respect her timetable—accept the idea that she controls her own body; protect her from other people's

Try not to get angry; help them clarify their feelings (“you are both angry with each other’); introduce time- outs; avoid comparisons

Get teachers to involve him in a group or activity so you can leave quietly; let Daddy take him to school— kids don’t protest as much when Daddy says good-bye

Children often aN no even as they do what's (Eve sig need a way fo avoid losing face—so let them say no while gradually moving them toward the desired behavior

LADIES’ HOME JOURNAL + JANUARY 1989

director

YH ving Auay ‘suonosjsniy

nC?

The combination of tomatoes, vegetables and spices makes Del Monte Original Style Stewed Tomatoes the fast way to exciting new dishes. Like Quick Spanish rice. |

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1 can (14% oz.) DEL MONTE’ Original Style

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14 cups chicken broth

14, cups uncooked white rice

1 Tbsp. butter or margarine

2 tsp.chili powder

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PROBLEM

Six through twelve

HE WON'T DO HOMEWORK

KIDS DON'T HELP AROUND THE HOUSE

SHE DOESN'T PRACTICE THE PIANO

HE'S ALWAYS LOSING THINGS

SHE ACTS LAZY

HE WATCHES TOO MUCH TV

thirteen through eighteen

HER ROOM IS A MESS

HE ALWAYS WANTS TO USE THE CAR

YOU HATE HER FRIENDS

DRINKING AND DRUG USE

SEXUAL ACTIVITY

HE'S ISOLATED FROM FAMILY

72

COMMON RESPONSE

Grounding; other punishments, such as no TV; criticism

Nagging, humiliating kids in front of friends; ignoring problem—you avoid conflict, but you end up doing all the work

Nag, yell; tell her she is letting you down

Nag, blame, induce guilt; threaten to take possessions away; make invidious comparisons (“look how careful your sister is’’)

Nag; accuse her of character flaws and make her feel worthless

Rant and rave (“you're always in front of the TV’); ban TV; do nothing (easier to give in than argue over it)

Scold (‘your room looks like a pigsty’’); punish by withholding privileges

Limit or forbid use of car; buy another car— overindulging to avoid conflict

Ban certain friends; bad-mouth them constantly; criticize her and blame her faults on friends

Yell about the law; preach about dead athletes; ground him or punish in other ways; serve beer to him and his friends, figuring it’s safer if you know they're doing it at home; deny the problem

Get angry and disgusted; act self-righteous; control her every move; deny situation and fail to deal with it

Induce guilt (“you won't have us to kick around much longer”); retaliate by withdrawing

BETTER RESPONSE

Make homework fun; praise for work well done and for showing interest; don’t show worry; get involved daily

Create a sense of family interdependence about chores; let kids choose their own chores and make up a schedule; divide chores into small, easily manageable tasks; be patient, but don’t do it yourself

Remember that she is not an extension of you; create a schedule she feels she can manage; reevaluate the activity—she may not really be interested

Remind gently—make sure your expectations are not too high for his level; involve him in purchases to teach the value of money

Children are rarely really lazy—if she seems lacking in energy, she may have a physical ailment or a psychological problem. Seek professional help

Provide more stimulating activities and help him develop other interests—TV is often an answer to general boredom

If she’s doing well in general, shut the door and forget it—kids need to assert autonomy somewhere

Establish rules about car availability, paying for gas, and so on; help him find safe alternate means of transportation and other means of expressing autonomy

Talk to her friends—you don’t have to like them, but you should get to know them. Really bad-news friends (e.g., drug users) should be banned

Educate yourself about drugs and alcohol and the signs of drug use; share the information with your child; talk to his friends’ parents and develop a united front; seek advice from school counselors or other professionals; never serve alcohol to minors

Preaching won't help. To prevent disasters, you must provide a firm foundation of your own beliefs in the early years

Teenagers need autonomy, so give him space—nevertheless, insist on knowing where he is going; be open—don’t withhold affection

LADIES' HOME JOURNAL « JANUARY 1989

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Barbara and Rayburn are at a cross- roads in their marniage. Which way will

they turn? A new short story from one of America’s finest writers

he marriage was riddled with hurt like buckshot, but they were determined not to acknowledge it.

Barbara and Rayburn were riding the waves in a tall old galleon of a house, three stories, peaks and cornices and a

brave tarnished weathercock atilt on the highest roof. Eleven years before, being driven up the rutted driveway in the real estate agent’s station wagon, Barbara had laid her hand on Rayburn’s arm and said, “This is it.” At first sight. In- side, the high-ceilinged rooms were so airy, so capacious, no one would have thought to call them drafty. And the three floors demanded to be filled: perfect for children, they agreed, though, at the time, they had none. So they bought the house with a mortgage and had, in startling suc- cession, three children, a boy, two girls. And now we had better stop, Rayburn said, a little fright- ened. For when they quarreled, it was inevitably

a a Re =

over the house; the enormous fact of the house. Home, as Rayburn was given to saying, in won- der and dread.

Now Barbara’s sister Crystal, three years older than she but mysteriously younger, weaker, in need of solace, wanted her to come visit over- night: to talk about Crystal’s problems with her husband, from whom she was separated. “You want to drive there alone?” Ray- yup burn said, as if the idea were a preposterous. “It’s three hundred miles at least, and half the roads HF) (he are unimproved.” “It’s more like 9) = two hundred miles,” Barbara (iyjepiee said, “and the roads are perfectly ‘improved’ and you know it.” But he was off hunting up the AAA book of maps, whistling. Barbara called out to him, “The last time we drove any distance to- gether we vowed we'd never do it again.”

“But sweetie,” Rayburn said, (continued)

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continued

leafing through the maps, “we didn’t mean it.”

He saw that the distance was closer to two hundred than three. Examining a map’s venous little galaxy of roads, rivers and mountains never failed to arouse a childish sort of excitement in him; there was always something ro- mantic about the prospect of a trip, as if leaving home invariably meant ven- turing into uncharted territory.

t first the drive went uneventfully

enough, but then Rayburn could

see at the horizon a gathering of that species of storm clouds weather- men like to call ominous. Rayburn said, as if it were still an issue be- tween them, “It’s a good thing you aren’t making this drive alone, there’s going to be a real storm.”

Barbara said, “Honey, don’t,” and Rayburn said pleasantly, “I was only making a meteorological observation.”

Forty minutes later the rain began, hammering on the windshield, the roof, the hood of the car; the entire sky had darkened with an apocalyptic bur- nished sheen. Beauty to pierce the heart. Rayburn was thinking how he and Barbara had been unfaithful to

.* 5

et ips SU eal i

each other in turn, as if in reference to each other, though that hadn’t seemed to have been the point at the time. He was thinking that he could not bear the love he felt for her and for the children, its terrible intensity, for which nothing in his previous life had prepared him: He was after all only thirty-one years old.

Rayburn was a lawyer, an assistant to the county prosecutor. He under- stood that his sense of the world was adversarial, at least questioning, in- terrogating, chipping away at, thus he made the effort, daily, hourly! to see the other side of things. He guessed that he would not like himself much if he did not inhabit his own skin and felt consequently a guilty shaky won- dering gratitude to Barbara for loving him when there were others easier to love, and more deserving.

Rayburn felt an unreasoned fury overtake him. Swearing, complaining what an ill-advised trip this was, and would Crystal ever contemplate doing as much for Barbara?—absolutely not: The woman was wholly selfish, narcis- sistic, blind to others. His disapproval of her began, in fact, with her very name, that self-chosen silly name, for hadn’t their parents called her some- thing ordinary like Margaret? And when they'd first met, years ago, be-

fore Rayburn and Barbara were m) ried, Crystal had given him a look unmistakable sexual inquiry, if not pacity. What kind of woman would | have like that with her sister’s love

Barbara listened but did not reply. heard himself say in a hurt, anj voice, an absurd voice, that Barbara } wanted to make the drive alone for ' sheer pleasure of solitude, of getti away from him, and the children, 4 home, not to make a telephone call secret—she was above that, pride ¢ vanity forbade that—but simply think, to dream, to brood, to rememt Barbara said sharply, “That’s enou Rayburn. Stop.”

‘Rayburn said, “Isn’t it true? ¥ might not miss him, but you m thinking about him.”

Barbara said, “We promised wouldn’t do this.”

“But isn’t it true? Why not admit I admit it, why not you?” Rayburn f sisted, not looking at her, his foot ré ing heavy on the gas pedal as windshield wipers slapped franticé from side to side.

Barbara had begun to cry, and tl too, Rayburn resented, the fact thaj some point she seemed to have stop)f fighting back, resisting his moods, 5 extravagant plunges, and this not 1§ ago but within the year, the wor ;

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od once loved, or seemed to love, . edgy exhilarating tension between mm, the play of wills that meant ir particular attraction for each ler, not sex, or not sex merely, and ; even precisely love. Barbara said, wanted to go alone. I begged you. I ew this would happen,” and Ray- m protested, “You didn’t beg me, Yt be absurd,” his voice rising, there’s no one on earth you’d beg anything: not you.”

Then you don’t know me.”

Then J don’t know you—who are ee”

We could finish it, now. Just turn : wheel. Drive the car off the road, ish it, no one would know.”

t was the calmness in Barbara’s ce, not her words, that shocked. hat the hell are you talking about?” yburn asked.

Do it. Go on and do it, why not.” You do it! Why involve me! You 1't need me!

tayburn drove in silence for some les, then dared to look at Barbara: 1 seeing her look at him wondered if ”d been watching him, studying n for some time. Her eyes appeared arged as if engorged with tears, but 2 was not actively crying. “Why are 1 so angry?” Rayburn asked, hurt. ou know I’ve only been joking.”

“So have I,” Barbara said.

rystal was rattled as if somehow

she hadn’t expected visitors, or

hadn’t expected them at that par- ticular moment. At Rayburn’s first sight of her he felt a pang of guilt: Crystal looked drawn, pale, defense- less, sad: as sad as a glamorous woman in her thirties can look and still quali- fy as glamorous. She’d bleached her hair bone-white and had it cut in saw- tooth punkish style, a style much too young for her, and her face was lavish- ly made up. She was a tall, full-bodied woman in designer jeans and a black eyelet sweater. A model or actress, you might think, meeting Crystal for the first time, but, no, in fact she had a responsible position with a bank. She was no feathery-brained fool as she liked, particularly in the presence of men, to pretend.

The women soon withdrew to the kitchen to talk, to drink together (cof- fee for Barbara, beer for Crystal—“just one or two, no more”) while Rayburn, sensing himself unwanted, went to the upstairs bedroom in which he and Bar- bara were to sleep that night. But he soon felt restless. He was drawn to the sisters downstairs, their voices lifting but their words teasing, undecipher- able. What were they talking about?

‘pan from Baker's Secret (look

Only about Crystal’s marriage, not of Barbara’s? So, shamelessly, he joined them...accepted the can of beer Crystal readily offered, and asked with a smile if there wasn’t something he could do to make himself useful. Household repairs, yardwork, that sort of thing—“God knows I get enough practice at home in that house of ours.” He’d been on the verge of saying “that dump of ours,” and he sensed how Barbara steeled herself in expec- tation. But he knew better. He was on his good behavior.

Crystal laughed in delight, as if Ray- burn’s offer was an oblique form of flir- tation, which perhaps it was; asking, “Are you serious?—of course there are things that need doing with Jake gone now for almost a month.”

His first task was hauling out weeks of accumulated trash to the curb. He fell into the rhythm of squatting, grip- ping, lifting, carrying; feeling with pleasure the tug and strain of his mus- cles. Leaves and other debris lay ev- erywhere underfoot in Crystal’s cramped yard. Maybe in the morning he’d clean it up a bit. Rayburn had yet to begin his cleanup work at home, but there he hadn’t felt motivated.

Crystal’s husband (whom Rayburn had met only once or twice) had not, as far as Rayburn knew, (continued)

77

sp Ai I alana in the bakeware

‘Vea Aare

cordially

invited to cruise the Caribbean in your favorite

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walked away from Crystal so much as been forced to leave. He was Crys- tal’s third husband, and there were no children, and that, Rayburn thought, suffused with pity, was maybe the prob- lem: Crystal, childless, seemed com- pelled to remain childish herself.

Sometimes in the night when he and Barbara couldn’t sleep, one might whisper to the other, Can you imagine what it would be like, what we’d be like now, without them?—and the oth- er, knowing always what “them” meant, would only say, No. I can’t.

On his way back to the house, climb- ing the steps to the kitchen door, Ray- burn stopped to watch the sisters in- side, talking earnestly, it seemed al- most passionately, in his absence. Ah, a voyeur’s stab of excitement!—there was Barbara in a white cableknit sweater and flannel slacks, nodding sharply, smiling, frowning, and there was Crystal, cigarette burning in her fingers, talking, gesturing, exploding with nervous laughter like a fit of coughing, so much more flamboyant, so much more living than Barbara. By an accident of light or by way of her own furious emotion, she looked, in that instant, startlingly beautiful, young again and vulnerable. By con- trast Barbara was muted, three years younger than Crystal but looking three years older, or more. She was an attractive woman clearly past the bloom of youth; but not much caring.

He burst into the kitchen noisy, un- guilty, and the sisters glanced at him startled as if indeed they'd forgotten him. But Crystal, flirty Crystal, shifted her attention to him at once, and within seconds there was another beer in his hand, and he was being thanked for all he’d done in such a luxury of female gratitude his face burned. In the morn- ing, he said, he’d do more work around the house. Barbara cut her eyes at him, but Crystal advanced upon him and flung her arms around his neck, “What a sweetheart you are,” she cried, and though close up Rayburn saw tight lines at the corner of her eyes, and the coarse- ness of her pores through the lush pan- cake makeup, what the hell. Playful and rowdy as a cowboy in a television ad for beer, Rayburn scrunched her against him, the two of them stagger- ing, tottering, screaming with laughter. Crystal’s hot breath smelled of beer and craziness, and Rayburn was thinking,

Just what we all need.

B ing-room table at ten o’clock, was subdued, not entirely sober; and

Rayburn’s quick appraisal of Crystal,

78

ut the meal, finally set on the din-

and of Barbara, too, allowed him know that there had been serious ta and tears. So he shifted his pleasan aching shoulders (he’d worked p dark shoring up the sagging, rotti steps by the front door) and said seve al times how delicious was the fo spaghetti and meatballs and ot Italian bread, how delicious the ri wine, too. From Crystal’s hi-fi the came the surflike hypnotic monoto: of that music called New Age, whi Rayburn detested. Eating, the siste talked of neutral subjects.

During the meal the telephone rai several times, but Crystal seemed n to hear. Rayburn glanced at Barbar who shook her head just perceptib don’t push it she seemed to sign while Crystal coolly ignored the pe sistent ring.

Crystal turned to Rayburn. S reached over and squeezed his hand both her hands. “I can’t say how mu it means to me, you and Barbara bo coming down... when I know hi busy you are, Rayburn, how petty tl all must seem.” Her eyes, searchir bloodshot ... Rayburn wanted to lo away. He said, embarrassed, “Well it’s the least I can do.”

And then the telephone rang, a again Crystal ignored it, and Raybu said, an edge of impatience in |} voice, “Would you like me to answ that, Crystal, and tell whoever it you aren’t taking calls tonight?” Cr: tal rose abruptly from the table as Rayburn’s request were out of line; s said, shrugging, indifferent, “No—j leave it. He won’t call after midnigh She went into the kitchen and beg running water noisily in the sink. A still the telephone rang.

Barbara frowned at Rayburn, keep him quiet, and said in an und tone, “I think she’s afraid it isn’t hi This way, she can’t know.”

Rayburn was moved by the disc sure. But for some reason—the somk damp cast of Barbara’s eyes, perhap: he couldn’t resist turning it into ajo “Christ, the power we men have make you women unhappy!—and rarely, it seems, the reverse.”

bara were undressing by lar

light, speaking in whispers. “Y look exhausted, honey,” Rayburn sé then, half accusingly, “what’s going with her? And him?”

Barbara said, “Oh, honey, let’s talk about it now, it’s too depress, and in a way too familiar.”

“Too familiar?” he asked guiltily.

“My sister has been through t sort of thing before,” Barbara s grimly. “Damn her.” Rayburn \ standing by the bed in his T-shirt ¢

|: the guest bedroom he and B

LADIES' HOME JOURNAL - JANUARY |

orts—he rarely wore pajamas—as if aiting for Barbara to pull back the vers; as if, somehow, in this room, he adn’t the right. As she lowered a lky-nylon nightgown over her head, e stared at her, her face temporarily siled, her compact, settled, fully ma- red body for an instant a stranger’s dy: female. At this angle he could ot see, nor had any need to see, the de caesarean scar on his wife’s low- abdomen, or the slight droop of her easts, and in any case the nightgown ad fallen sinuously in place. J love u;* Rayburn thought, whoever you e, but the words he uttered were artling and sudden: “I’m homesick.” It was true: he missed their own bed, \eir drafty room, the sense of the chil- en under the house’s roof, their roof. limbing into bed, Barbara laughed at m. “Don’t be silly—I saw you and my ster cavorting down there; singles ght at the local disco, it looked like.” ayburn climbed in beside her, excit- l, partway forgiven, redeemed. He ipped his arms around Barbara and urmured how sorry he was about the ings he’d said in the car, of course he adn’t meant them, and Barbara mur- ured a sleepy assent, and Rayburn lt a sudden sexual stirring, a jab of 2sire, seeing again the sisters rough the kitchen window in the

Dlop. plop. plop. Drop.

warm light, oblivious of him. The woman who was his wife and had had his children, and the woman who was his sister-in-law, both infinitely mys- terious. How happy he was, suddenly, in his maleness! Gently he began to make love to Barbara, but gently she rebuked him, for of course it wasn’t the time, Crystal in the next room, and they were both exhausted, so in relief of a kind Rayburn contented himself with pressing his warm face against Barbara’s and gripping her tight until she murmured, “Honey—that hurts,” and Rayburn said, “It’s meant to.”

ext day when they said good-bye

to Crystal, the three of them

standing in the driveway, Crystal coatless, wearing only a sweater, hug- ging herself and shivering, Rayburn made the suggestion, perhaps tactless- ly, that Crystal move out of the house, perhaps take an apartment, for a change of scene, and Crystal said, hurt, “But this is home—what if Jake comes home and I’m not here?”

First Barbara drove, and then Ray- burn drove, and he felt the gravita- tional tug of all that awaited them at home, resolved and unresolved. The mood in the car was wayward, impro- visational. Barbara told Rayburn some of the things Crystal told her, and

Rayburn said, as if it had only now struck him, “How kind you were to her, though. How sweet, loving—I felt sort of privileged, to tell the truth, be- ing a witness.” Barbara glanced at him, embarrassed; said, as if to dispel his words, “You were the noble one, cleaning that yard all morning.”

“Td like to think I could be so pa- tient with anyone, or so kind.”

“Don’t be silly,” Barbara said. “You're a very kind man, you’re impec- cably kind.” She paused, and Rayburn expected her to say, That isn’t the problem, but, glancing down at the book in her lap, said nothing at all.

He drove in silence. He was think- ing of Crystal, there in the driveway, hugging herself, shivering, speaking of that dreary rented house of hers as home, and something seemed to click into place like a lock, but he couldn’t have said what it was, or why it seemed so inevitable. Blood rose up into his face; a pulse began to beat between his eyes; the words escaped from him as if without his volition: “But you do think of him sometimes, don’t you? Goddamn you,” as if they’d been calmly, even dispassionately quarreling, and Barbara, primed for the question, said, simply, “Never.” And that was all, for the rest of the drive home. a

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The legendary

' Walter Cronkite has been a tough act to follow for anchorman Dan Rather at the CBS Evening News. He tells the Journal why in his first in- depth interview in more than

a year

Surviving a year of criticism and controversy, CBS anchorman Dan Rather is more committed than ever to

RATER) Scares cifficult days

t’s like the old TV show To Tell the Truth. During the course of a day with Dan Rather, you meet three people, all of wi claim to be Dan Rather.

The first is the affab mewhat rigid figure the public sees each night on the CBS Evening News. That one’s a fake. ' cond is also an impostor, the man people meet in the street: This Dan Rather looks like Hump! Bogart in Casablanca, his six-foot-two-inch frame hunched inside a trench his movie-star-handsome features hidden

behind a floppy fedora. He greets p » in a low monotone, anxious not to be recognized. (“I’m somewhat awkward about the celebrity side of this business,” he yy later admits. “It’s my nature to be friendly, but people tend to want to discuss the issues, and if you do too much of that, y se precious time for journalism.”) Then there’s a third Dan Rather, the one who isn’t performing or hiding. This one is a soft-spoken, scrupulously courteous, instantly likable fifty-seven-year-old family man whose greatest vice is “drinking enough coffee to float a horseshoe.” Rather can quote Tolstoy, Yeats or the Bible—a dog-eared copy of which is always (continued)

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i (continued) handy in his office OE ag and is read with some frequen- cy. He’s a consummate profes- ea 5 sional with a novice’s enthusi- “hr ee asm for the job. He'll go any- = | a \ where for a story, and he says

IN JENS HT that more than any other as-

BE ats signment, he desperately wants to be the first journalist in space.

This Dan Rather is also a man devoted to his wife of thirty-two years, the painter Jean Rather. He angrily dismisses gossip that he is a womanizer, claiming that such rumors are “not worth the dignity of an answer.” He maintains that when it comes to sex, he hasn’t “the temperament, time or ethical inclination” to seek it outside marriage. “People who know me, who really know me, know that I live by my word, and that includes the vows I took on my wedding day.” He is so fiercely protective of their privacy that he has said little about his marriage in interviews—until now.

Unrelenting scrutiny

It’s been over a year since Dan Rather has given an in-depth interview of any kind, since a string of public embarrass- ments left him “gun shy.” There was a still-unexplained New York City mug- ging by a man asking Rather the curi- ous question “Kenneth, what is the fre- quency?” There was the faux pas when the 1987 U.S. Open ran overtime and Rather, busy arguing with CBS Sports about getting off the air, didn’t know the tennis match had ended, thus forc- ing the network to go black for six min- utes. Then came a celebrated live inter- view with George Bush, which grew heated when the Vice-President remind- ed viewers of the tennis incident. There was even a mortifying advertisement for “Dump Dan” bumper stickers, which ran on the front page of The New York Times. This was followed by another ad, which asked, “Are you mad at Dan Rather?” and gave readers a toll-free number. Callers were provided with Rather’s direct line at CBS and were told to complain about his al- leged lack of patriotism. In this instance, at least, Rather managed to one-up his detractors: Anyone call- ing the office that day also got a recording—of “The Star-Spangled Banner.”

“No, this has not been my best year,” Rather says with a small smile and a slight Texas drawl. He’s sitting on a leather sofa in his office, arm stretched along the back, necktie tightly knotted, wearing sus- penders and a long-sleeved blue shirt. It’s nine A.M., and he’s just arrived at the office; he will be here until at least nine that night, as he is most days.

“I don’t like to be inaccessible, but I was very frus- trated when so many people thought I was becoming unglued. So few people seemed to realize that my primary concern was for the integrity of our news division and its broadcast, and since I wasn’t able to convince people of that, I felt the best thing was simply

0 back off and concentrate on my work.”

Rather sips coffee, then says thoughtfully, * “Public

‘iticism can be a brutal process. This is already a

ely business. You spend a lot of time on the road. A me at work. And not only do we live in a glass

of tir

“Even when | was

worried about mortgage payments, | would spend money out-of- pocket to get a story.”

house, but also, because of the vast audience for TV news, all the glass is magnifying glass. That can make life stressful. Look at poor Jessica Savitch. She obvi- ously needed help, and she didn’t get it. She needed straight talk about dealing with pressure, and she didn’t get that either. You have to have a good support system on the job and at home, and a hide like a rhinoceros. If you don’t develop one, you'll bleed to death.”

An early nose for news

Rather spent years thickening his skin. Born in Whar- ton, Texas, the son of a ditchdigger and a waitress, he says, “I was lucky enough to have a father who was deeply interested in the news. I’d listen, fascinated with world events and how they were gathered and reported and reached our homes. I also spent a lot of time in the library. It was a joy. I was exposed to the gospel of learning, and it gave me an unquenchable thirst for knowledge.”

Getting into a small teachers’ college, Rather majored in journalism, spent time in the Marines, then went to Houston radio station KTRH. It was there that he met Jean, who worked as a secretary. (He says, laughing, “With the hours I worked, where else would I have met my future wife?”) Shifting to television, Rather be- came anchor of the CBS Houston affiliate, KHOU-TV, and it was his coverage of Hurricane Carla in 1961 that earned him a national reputation. It also earned Rather the attention of CBS executives, who asked him to become a network cor- respondent.

While covering the civil-rights move- ment in the South, he was once beaten with a rifle butt, and on another occasion, he had a sawed-off shotgun pushed into his ribs. He probably would have been killed if a CBS employee hadn’t broken Rather’s own rule and been carrying a gun, which he used to force the assailant off.

He was in Dallas when President Ken- nedy was assassinated, and it was there that he became identified with the on-air rigidity that still gives him some trouble. While Rather often feels deeply about what he reports, he holds back because “if I ever let myself go, I won’t be able to do what has to be done.”

However, such detachment wasn’t possible in Viet- nam, where Rather went following a stint covering LBJ’s White House.

“My own military service was short and undistin- guished. Nothing to compare with what I was to cover. Here, I was under fire with the soldiers, bullets flying four inches over my head. I was scared and confused,” he remembers.

Rather’s next assignment was the Nixon White House, which was a revelation of a different kind.

“T had a small rabbit hutch of an office, but I never sat in it without a sense of awe and responsibility.” He grins. “Sadly, not everyone in government shared my reverence for the office. There were a few of us who were following the Watergate story when it broke and were told to back off. But I came to realize then, and believe even more strongly now, that in our system, no citizen has to face any leader on bended knee.”

As a result, Rather faced threatening calls late at

LADIES’ HOME IOLIRNAIL «- JANLIARY 1989

SOjOYg 2q0|9

ight, people watching him from the hadows, and even prowlers rifling hrough his personal files. Though he dmits having to fight fear and para- oia, he says, “I came out of that a auch stronger and better journalist.”

In 1975, Rather left the evening ews beat to join 60 Minutes, the high- y successful news-magazine show. He elished being able to do stories in a0re than “ninety-second bursts.” ather’s popularity on that program rompted the network to name him to ucceed Walter Cronkite as the anchor f CBS Evening News.

“It’s a good thing I love a challenge,” e says, “because Walter is concerned nd poised and has a wealth of inner ategrity. To follow a man like that is oth flattering and intimidating.” The sported $2.5 million Rather is paid nnually makes things easier, but he isists that money has never been as nportant as the quality of the work.

“Even when I was worried about waking car or mortgage payments, I ould spend money out-of-pocket to et a story and get it right,” he says. if there are two things I hate, really ate, it’s being mediocre or being per- 2ived as mediocre.”

ll work, no play?

urrently, Rather is beginning to feel s though “the cyclonic upheavals are ot as distracting as they once were.” le is happy with his work and with is team. He’s particularly gratified 1at nearly half the producers at CBS re women. “I’m proud of that balance, hich is unique to CBS News.”

Indeed, if Dan Rather has a theme, a ord to which he returns over and ver, it’s gratitude. He is grateful to be here he is and repeats several times ow thankful he is that Jean was with im from the start.

“There were times when I should or juld have been more sensitive to hat Jean was going through. She was ery lonely, especially when we were 1 Washington, and the stories I did st us friends. But Jean did whatever eeded to be done, and she did it with sense of humor.”

As it turns out, Rather is something -a fanatic when it comes to family: not ist his own—he has a daughter, Robin, ow thirty, who works for a TV compa- y, and a son, Dan, twenty-eight, who is n assistant district attorney—but fam- ies in general. He goes so far as to 2scribe “the return of the family as the reaking story of the 1990s.

“The thing I see happening is the Wing back to the nuclear family— ome and hearth, kith and kin. More nd more, the women who went into 1e workplace are having children.

Cres Ce

ss oe

And parents—which means single par- ents as well as couples—now must cre- ate a home and family environment. When all is said and done, praise and money and fame and glory and career don’t matter as much as our children do. As much as our families do.” He pauses, showing just a trace of defi- ance. “And if that gets me a reputation as a bleeding heart, I don’t mind it.”

In those rare moments when Rather relaxes, he reads, listens to symphonic music and opera, takes long walks in the woods and goes fishing.

However, he’s quick to admit that he doesn’t do as much of any of this as he should. “I asked Michael Dukakis

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what he does to relax, and he said, ‘I’m glad you asked me that. I work.’ Well—I work, too.”

Rather says he’ll never retire and could never be anything but a news- man—though, already the co-author of two best-selling nonfiction books (The Palace Guard, about the Nixon White House, and an autobiography, The Cam- era Never Blinks), he confides that he’s also been thinking about writing a novel, one based on the life of a woman writer.

Still, when asked to be indulgent, to name one thing he’d like for himself

above all, Rather smiles and says without hesitation, “That God gives me another day doing this job.” B

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THE FOLLOWING FAMILY PHYSICIANS PARTICIPATED IN THIS REPORT:

tec Mea CCU Bem CLC

Bruce Bagley, M.D., Albany, New York

TT ee) CC eee Col trie, Georgia

Gregory L. Darrow, M.D., Janesville, Wisconsin

SCL TL aa Team 8) (0)

TMC am a MYT TC A. Earl Mgebroff, M.D., You- a Ty

Dudley Phillips, M.D., Dar- lington, Maryland

Thomas Todd, M.D., Cincin- NTA OL TCs)

Wilburn H. Weddington, M.D., Columbus, Ohio RL Cm OM TM ye director, communications di- vision, American Academy of Family Physicians

a the fam guide to

WINTER

HEALTH

To help your entire family stay warm and healthy this winter, we consulted the experts at the American Academy of Family Physicians. Here is their best advice on eating

right, staying toasty and giving winter health worries the cold shoulder

COLD COMFORT

A guide to winter ailments

olds and flu remain the most widespread winter ailments, but there are many other illnesses that strike this time of year. Below is an alpha- betical compendium of winter woes.

ALLERGIES

W@ Allergies to dust and housemites (microscopic organisms that live in dust) are often at their worst during winter. Reason: We're indoors more, windows are closed and dust is trapped inside. If you develop mild, coldlike symptoms and they don’t disappear within a week, suspect allergies as the source of your problem. A thorough housecleaning and _ antihistamine medication should bring relief.

ARTHRITIS

M Cold weather and lowered baro- metric pressure can exacerbate ar- thritic pain. Wearing warm cloth- ing—especially around the affected joints—and keeping the house extra- warm will help.

BRONCHIALITIS

@ This viral illness, usually seen in children under age one, is character- ized by asthmalike coughing and wheezing. Some-

times affected

infants are so

short of breath

that they have

trouble _ breast-

feeding or taking

a bottle. Symp-

torns usually last three or four days; children are treated with bronchodi- lators (the same medicine often used to treat asthma), or both (continued)

85

CONTR VITAMIN

The controversy over whether vitamin C helps prevent colds is still going strong. Although there’s no firm scientific data to prove there’s an advantage to taking the vitamin, some experis believe it helps. And even doctors who remain skeptical generally have no objection if patients choose to take vitamin C. Aside from their possibie cold-fighting benefit, vitamin C supplements seem to help curb the rise in cholesterol levels most people experience in winter.

OVERSIAL

(continued) cough medicine and a va- porizer. After one episode, children usually develop natural immunity.

BRONCHITIS

BA swelling of the mucous mem- branes of the lungs characterized by a cough that produces sputum, fever and back pain, bronchitis is a possi- ble complication of a cold or flu virus. Over-the-counter cough medicines should ease symptoms, but if you think you might have bronchitis, see a physician to determine whether you need antibiotic therapy.

COLDS @ Adulis: The average adult gets three to five colds a year— mostly in winter, of course! Symptoms include a runny, stuffy nose; head congestion; blocked or clogged ears; sneez- ing; a sore or scratchy throat; headache; muscle aches; and occasionally a moderate fever. Since colds are transmitted from person to person, one of the easiest ways to prevent them is to wash your hands frequently. Use a humidifier in your home and office, too; dry mu- cous membranes in the nose and throat are less effective at fighting off cold viruses. @ Although there’s still no cure for the common cold, experts recommend bed rest, plenty of fluids, and over- the-counter decongestants and pain- killers such as acetaminophen, ibu- profen or aspirin to relieve symptoms until the body heals itself. Recovery usually occurs within a week. If the cold lasts longer, or if fever rises higher than 101°F., consult your doc- tor to rule out a sinus infection, bron- chitis or pneumonia. @ Children: The average child gets several more colds each year than Mom and Dad do. For one thing, kids haven’t been exposed to as many vi- uses as grownups have, so they n’t developed the same level of ity. Also, kids are notorious f -aders, since they’re less apt than ad to wash their hands often r to cover their mouths when they cough or sneeze = The recommended treatment for lildren’s colds is the same as for ts (but see the entry for Reye’s rome). Kids’ symptoms may last hat longer, however. Infants and toddlers can take up to two weeks

m

to get over a cold; children aged four to eight may cough, sneeze and blow their noses for at least a week.

COLD SORES

M@ Caused by a herpes virus—usually not the same one that causes genital herpes—cold sores often pop up when you have a cold or fever. They may also appear as a result of unaccus- tomed sun exposure—while skiing or during a mid-winter vacation, for ex- ample. Using sunblock on the lips when outdoors will help prevent blis- ters. If they emerge anyway, over- the-counter lip balms may help. Or ask your physician about the pre- scription medication acyclovir, which can speed healing and even help pre- vent further outbreaks.

CROUP

@ In most cases, croup—a viral illness that usually affects young children be- tween the ages of three months and three years—is relatively benign. Symptoms include a dry, hacking cough, fever and a condition called stridor—an abnormal, high-pitched, musical breathing sound on inhalation that’s due to a swollen larynx. Most of the time, cough medicine and a vapor- izer will ease the symptoms.

@ There is a much less common type of croup caused by the H. influenza bacteria, which can cause epiglotti- tis—inflammation of the epiglottis, the cartilagelike structure that pre- vents food from entering the wind- pipe when swallowing. Symptoms in- clude a swollen epiglottis, fever, sore throat, harsh breathing sounds and a croupy cough. The H. influenza vac- cine can prevent H. flu epiglottitis. Ask your doctor about having your children vaccinated.

DRY SKIN, CHAPPED LIPS

@ Ordinary dry skin can be prevent- ed and treated with moisturizers, lip balms, bath oils and using a room humidifier. Drinking lots of water may help, too, since dry skin may be partly due to internal dehydration. Don’t wear wool right next to your skin—it absorbs natural body oils.

W@ If your dry skin doesn’t respond to simple remedies, you may have a more serious condition such as ecze- ma, seborrhea or psoriasis—all of which tend to flare up during the winter months. Over-the-counter cortisone cream or lotion should be helpful. Or consult a (continued)

LADIES’ HOME JOURNAL « JANUARY 1989

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